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She was against me now, her other hand snaking around my waist. “Jude, p-please,” she begged, and that damned crack in her voice did me in.
Eventually, I lifted my eyes from what remained of my friend, harsh realization dawning on me like a crashing wave during a storm.
Isiah was gone, and in his place, an empty ache took up residence in my chest.
My friend. My brother.
I should’ve smiled more, laughed with him more, put aside my stubbornness and gone on every adventure he’d tried to entice me with.
The man had loved me like his kin, and instead of embracing such a gift, I’d turned my cheek, too fearful of what might happen should I let him in. And, gods, I should’ve had the damned courage to let him in.
“I’m so sorry,” Kiara murmured again and again, as if she didn’t know what else to say.
I tumbled back, thrusting my arms out behind me as the swirls of white enveloped me.
The hoarse curse I released echoed in the darkness, and I clenched the packed soil between my fingers, knowing it was wet with Isiah’s blood.
Kiara wasted no time closing the distance, flinging her arms around my neck and pushing me roughly to her chest. I struggled but she didn’t relent, and eventually I gave in.
I let it all go. Not the tears that threatened to fall, or the screams of fury I wished to release. But surrounded by her heat, I fell into the void that housed all of my loss, my pain…my joy. A closed-off place that was too vivid, too intense.
Still I drifted, down, down, down. And still she held me.
She murmured in my ear, telling me everything would be all right, her hands in my hair, smoothing down the bloodied strands.
For a moment I was a child again, my left eye dripping red all over the carpet as my father screamed. But back then, I’d had no one to hold me.
Eventually, I pulled back.
I looked down at Isiah, hating how his eyes would never open again. Hating how his steadying presence was suddenly gone.
“We need to bury him,” I said, the mask of the Hand of Death falling back into place. It should’ve frightened me how easy it was to put it on.
I searched the swirling plumes, hunting for danger and the men who’d assaulted us. I had no idea how long we’d been here or how long Kiara had allowed me to mourn.
“Jude,” she began softly. “We can’t stay. We need to go on and find shelter.”
It was nearing the end of the day. Add on the hours and hours of riding, and we were long past due our rest.
Not that I believed I’d get much of that tonight.
I opened my mouth, ready to protest and insist we give my brother a proper burial, but when my eyes locked on hers, I stopped.
“Should we try to search for our horses? The others?” She spoke barely above a whisper.
Retrieving my jacket from where I’d tossed it, I reached into the pockets, revealing an old but finely crafted silver compass, along with the wrinkled map.
The compass had apparently belonged to my mother, a single claw etched onto its back. For years I had no idea what the symbol meant, but when I found out, I wished I’d never learned its meaning. Isiah had glowered at the compass with distaste, arguing that I should’ve sold it for a few coins, but I’d kept it as a reminder. People were never who you thought they were. Even your parents.
“We go northwest.” I avoided Kiara’s question about the others, knowing she wasn’t going to like my answer. I clipped the lid of the compass shut, sliding it into my trousers and trying to ignore the way my white undershirt clung to my body, the fabric a macabre splattering of savage red and black.
Against my will, I shifted my gaze to Isiah. His eyes didn’t flutter, nor did he move an inch. I must’ve been delirious, because for one second, I swore his chest lifted ever so slightly.
But no matter how much I wished it, when I blinked, he remained still.
Kiara crouched beside him, and I wondered if we shared the same hallucination. But before she touched his pallid skin, she jerked her hand away, dropping it defeatedly at her side.
Bile rose in my throat. A part of me wanted to curse everything and abandon the mission, the recruits, even Kiara. But I knew Isiah wouldn’t want that.
