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"You answer my question, and you can ask me something you're sure I don't want to answer."
She narrows her eyes at me, deciding. I know it's a yes when she crosses her arms, putting her defenses up. "Fine. I feel... They make me feel..."
She looks panicked even just searching for the words and I reach over, grabbing her hand. She's rigid in my grip.
"Hey, never mind," I say softly. "We don't have to talk about it."
She blows out a hard breath. "I just don't know how to explain it. When Jeremiah looks at me, it feels like he's touching me. When Ezekiel speaks, I shiver at the sound of his voice. I want them too much, which is why I can't let myself have them. You went into it with Jackson, only wanting sex and ending up with more. I want more than sex from them, which is something I've never wanted from any man let alone two, so I know if I let myself start anything with them, it'll just end badly. With too many emotions and feelings hurt. I don't want it. Any of it."
"I..." I begin, but she shakes her head.
"I don't want to hear you tell me it won't end that way, because, and I really don't say this to hurt you, but you didn't think it would end this way with Jackson. With you loving him and your heart broken. I don't even want to entertain the idea of meending up looking how you just were in the nursery. I've seen that look on people too many times to even think about putting myself in that situation."
I nod. "Okay. Let me just say one thing. One. I think if there was anyone who you might be able to trust with everything you're feeling, it would be those two. They look at you like-"
"Like they want what's between my thighs, not what resides in my chest. Two very different things. Now enough of them. My turn."
I prepare myself for what she'll ask, because I know it'll have to do with Jackson. Therefore, I know it will hurt.
"Do you want him back?" she asks quietly.
"So badly," I admit. "Even if I knew it were only for a night, and that in the morning, I'd be in just as much pain as I am now, maybe even more. Yes, I'd want him."
She gives me a tight smile. "So get him back, Charlotte."
"Did you see the way he was looking at me? I think he'd rather I disappear out of his life forever than hear me sayI love youto him."
"I saw how he was looking at you in the nursery, and I also saw how he was smirking at you in the living room. Both of those looks make sense, so why don't you find out which one he truly feels."
I shake my head. "I can't. I let him go because I know it was the right thing to do. I won't toy with him. Have sex with him just to have to tell him goodbye again. And my heart for sure can't handle just having sex. I'm too far beyond that."
The floor creaks behind me, and I whip around to see if anyone's there. No one comes into the kitchen, but when I look back at Lexa, she's giving me a look that perfectly conveys what I'mfeeling. That we should stop talking about any of this with the very people we're talking about so close.
She leans in, though, to whisper, "Did Law call you?"
I can smile at that. "He did. We're meeting on Saturday. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
She grins. "I damn sure hope so."
Chapter 14
"I have a reservation under Kane," Law tells the hostess.
"Right this way."
Law gestures for me to walk ahead of him into the restaurant dining room. It's beautiful here, a mirrored ceiling reflecting the flames of the candles burning on each table and the few people sitting around them. Gorgeous, vibrant paintings cover the walls as we walk to our table. Law pulls out my chair and then sits across from me.
"Please tell the chef that the Kane party is here. He'll know what to have brought out to us."
Just hearing the word chef makes my heart hurt, makes me think of Jackson, makes my yearning for him return tenfold. But I shake it off. If my instincts are right, Law's brought me here for some happy news. I don't want my own problems to affect that.
"Did you order ahead?" I ask as the hostess walks away.
"The chef here knows exactly what I like. He's made meals for me often enough."
"I would think there would be more people here, with how nice it looks and how good the food smells."
"It's an exclusive restaurant. To get a reservation, you have to-"
