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"Lex—" he begins, but I cut him off.
"I'm fine," I grit out.
"God fucking damn it, Ezekiel," Jeremiah hisses.
I see Ezekiel's shoulders slump, but he doesn't say a word.
None of us do for the hour it takes to get to my street. I spent the time staring at the rain, trying my very best not to cry. It was barely working. Because all I could think about was how I'd brought this on myself. Hadn't Ezekiel made it very clear from the beginning that he wasn't interested in feelings? Hadn't I, but I'd gone against my own instincts, my own warnings within myself, my own mind telling me what I had with them could never be more than anything physical. I'd let Jeremiah's words in the shower make me forget about Ezekiel's words. I'd allowed my heart to overtake my mind. I'd done what I swore I never would and loved. Now, I'm loving and hurting. Now, I'm wondering what I did to make Ezekiel see me the same way hedid their ex. Now, I want to rage while I cry because I knew better.
I. Knew. Better.
The car begins to slow down as we pull in front of my apartment and I open the door before Jeremiah even completely stops.
"Lexa, wait!" Jeremiah shouts behind me.
With Jeremiah and Ezekiel's bag, there wasn't room for mine in the rental car's trunk. I'm grateful for that now as I just reach back into the backseat to grab the handle of my luggage. I roll it behind me as I quickly walk up the pathway. I hear a door open and close behind me though, as I desperately try to get the correct key ready. My shaky hand makes that a hard task.
"Lexa, please," Jeremiah pleads behind me.
Of course, it would be Jeremiah who came after me. Not the man who just tore my heart to shreds. I reach my door and see his shadow moments before he's beside me.
"Lexa, let me explain."
"Explain what?" I ask, wanting it to be strong but it comes out hoarse.
I hate the way his brows furrow as he reaches for me. I can't allow him to touch me though. Not when I know his touch would make me crumble.
"Just...just give him a little while to realize how wrong he is."
"And I'm supposed to just keeping fucking a man who basically just said he'll never see me as anything more than a pussy to bury himself in?"
"He doesn't see you that way and you know it."
"But he doesn't. And I'm not going to wait around for him to figure out that I'm not some other woman. I deserve better than that."
"You do. I know you do." He nods. "But I want you to give him another chance anyway."
"Just like you wanted me to let love into my heart, and look where that fucking got me. Sitting here, feeling broken hearted because I fell for two men and one of them wants nothing to do with any part of me other than what's between my thighs."
His head snaps back, his surprise making me realize what I just said. What I just confessed.
"Shit," I murmur.
"Wh-what did you just say?"
I look away from him, determined to get my key into the doorknob so I can escape all of this.
"It doesn't matter now," I say.
"Of course, it fucking matters, Lexa. It's all that matters."
"Not to him. Clearly."
"Don't let him being stuck up his own ass control what you're feeling. Everything he said can’t overcome the words I just heard leave your mouth, because your words are the truth and he'll come to realize his aren't."
"I can't take that risk, Jeremiah. I already took a risk, and now I'm standing here feeling shattered because I ignored Ezekiel saying he didn't want any feelings involved in this...whatever we have. Whatever we had."
"No, no."
