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The pain in his voice makes me bring my hand to my chest, to the physical pain there.
"I just got off the phone with my mother. She was talking about second chances and believing in love and all that. I don't know if I can give Ezekiel another chance, or if he even wants one, really, but I do know that I love you and him. So, I figure, I can at least truly say it to you once. I love you, Jeremiah. Know that."
"I love you, too, Lexa. So fucking much."
"I don't feel whole without the two of you. I don't know if I ever will. But I know that I wanted you both, because the three of us together is when everything feels right. Feels like it was always meant to be. I miss it, but I'm not willing to accept that someone I'm with doesn’t trust me, or doesn’t want me back."
"Nor should you," he says low. "But you said second chances, is that...if Ezekiel actually begins to rub his last two brain cells together, would that be an option?"
"I don't know, Jer. I can't help but feel like the things he said in the car weren't how he truly feels. I don’t really see a way back from that."
"If I text you, just you and I, will you text me back?"
"Isn't that just asking for more pain?"
"Maybe. But you're worth the hurt."
My eyes close at that as I whisper, "Okay."
He gives me a chuckle, even if it sounds strained. "Don't ignore me again. I know where you live."
"Are you threatening me, Jer?" I laugh.
"More like promising to show up with some food and a piece of cake."
"Oh, cake? Now, you're pulling out the big guns."
It feels so good to laugh with him, even if I have the reality that this probably won't last. Jeremiah and I could never just be friends after what we've shared.
"I love you, Lexa," he says again.
"I love you, Jeremiah."
"I'll make sure that's not the last time I hear you say so."
He hangs up and I'm left looking at my screen, showing the text messages again now. Ezekiel's name is right there, for me to call, for me to try and have some semblance of a conversation with. But I shake my head and put my phone down. I'm not ready yet.
I don't know if I ever will be.
Chapter 11
It's three days later when I find myself in front of the gym. No route back to my apartment from visiting with the florist one last time would have taken me to his gym, but it seems like I was turning and driving down streets without even truly realizing where I was going because my mind was entirely on how my pain has slowly, but surely, morphed into anger now. At the mixed signals he'd given me. My mind keeps weighing his words in the car against him telling me he'd miss me, how they’d traveled to come surprise me. On and on, my mind kept providing me with reasons to want to call him just to lash out at him, to curse him for the way I felt he played with my feelings.
When I'd been texting with Jeremiah earlier, he told me he was home alone, and without me asking, had said Ezekiel was closing the gym today because of the manager needing to leave early because his wife was in labor. The very moment I read it, I had the thought of going to the gym and cornering him so he had no choice but to listen to my every angry word. But I hadn't actually realized that I’d decided to do so until I’d pulled up in front of the gym.
I watch as the last of the people leave the gym, Ezekiel speaking with them as he holds the door open. Smiling at them like he has any right to smile at all. Then he closes it, clearly not locking it before he goes around and begins turning the lights off. It is pure anger that compels me to open my door, slam it closed, and walk across the street. A ring sounds through the gym when I open the door, and the voice that I haven't heard in days comes from the back room. A voice that, anger, pain and all, still manages to make a shiver race through me.
"We're closed for the night," he says, his voice coming closer as he speaks. "We open tomorrow at—"
His words cut off when he sees me, his eyes widening. And God damn, he looks like a walking wet dream. White T-shirt, black gym shorts, muscles and tattoos on display. I force my gaze away from his body to meet his stare again, narrowing my eyes when I do.
"Nothing to say now?" I ask, not caring about the venom clear in each word. "You had so much to say in the car."
His jaw tightens, a muscle ticking towards the back of it. I scoff at his continued silence.
"I guess I should have gotten the hint when you couldn't even be bothered enough to text and find out how much damage you'd caused, huh?"
"Text and say what?" he snaps.
