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Jackson smirks at me as he begins to walk past us. "I don't know if our little Charlotte would ever want to leave that room again."
I roll my eyes, ignoring the way his words heat me up. "Please, we'd only be in there a minute or two anyway."
Sophie and Lexa laugh, but Jackson shoots me a look behind them that tells me I will pay for those words later. I can't wait.
"That man would bow down to you if you asked," Sophie says once Jackson goes into the kitchen.
Jackson would never bow. More like make me bow to him. And I would love it.
"Someone else is apparently already bowing for her," Lexa teases, reminding me of my lie. And what brought it all about.
"Whoa, whoa. Don't think you're getting out of answering." I arch a brow at her. "Why are you avoiding looking at Jeremiah and Ezekiel?"
Her head falls back as a hard sigh leaves her. "Because I want to fuck them."
"And you've somehow mistakenly convinced yourself that they wouldn't want that?" Sophie puzzles.
"I know they would, but I don't want all that comes with it."
"Oh, like those icky things called feelings?" I chuckle.
"Bingo." She points at me.
"So, um, you tell them you just want no strings attached sex," Sophie suggests. "That seems like something they'd easily agree to with the way their eyes are always undressing you."
"Seriously. I feel like I'm invading a private moment just to watch them watch you," I add.
"Listen, sex without emotions is a damn lie. Unless it's a complete stranger, it's not going to happen. Look at you, Sophie, you started off with Law having sex, and I'm at your freaking baby shower. You'll probably be telling us this guy you're fucking is the love of your life soon, Char..."
I choke on my damn drink. Love? Jackson? No, I couldn't ever fall... But the words feel like an utter lie. And it makes my eyes widen at the realization. I do not love him, but in this moment, I do admit to myself that I feel much more than I want to, than I ever meant to. I miss him, more than for sex. I want his voice in my ear, his body beside mine, hand holding mine. All the things I can never actually have. Because that's not who we are. We are his hands holding me down, not holding my hands. We are his body pinning me to the bed, the floor, the couch, not his body cuddling mine. We are his voice speaking filthy words, demanding I do as he says, not him whispering sweet nothings to me as we fall asleep.
I can't do this. I can't let these feelings grow. Lexa is right. It always leads to more, but I can't let it.
"And I don't wanna have sex with them and have either of them thinking it's going to lead to anything else."
"Okay, but would that be the worst thing in the world?" Sophie asks. "To let just a little itty-bitty bit of feelings into your heart?"
She gives Sophie a deadpan face. "Yes, it would. My heart is behind a fortress, locked up with a thrown away key, and buried under cement. And I intend for it to stay that way."
"Well." I look behind me, finding Jeremiah and Ezekiel, sure enough, staring at Lexa again. "It looks like Jeremiah found that damn key, and Ezekiel is ready to break some cement, so beware."
Sophie barks out a laugh while Lexa narrows her eyes at me.
"Well then, let me stay far, far away from them so my heart stays safe."
"Punk," Sophie murmurs.
"Yes, yes I am." She chuckles. But then her brows are furrowing. "I have to ask you, Charlotte, is the guy you're fucking Luis?"
"What?" My head snaps back in surprise. "Hell no. Why would you think that?"
"Because he's been staring at you almost as much as Jackson the whole party."
I peek over my shoulder and he juts his chin up at me, grinning my way.
"Who the hell even invited him?" I ask, turning back to Sophie and Lexa.
"I guess I did," Sophie says. "I just invited everyone who works at the diner because I didn't wanna leave anyone out. Well, except my old boss. I'm surprised you even remember him."
