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“So what, big deal.”
“You’re saying it’s not a big deal how I lost my job and my boyfriend?” I waited until she finished her reps and joined her as we moved into the next position – leg circles. When this ten-week app finished, I’d better have stronger abs.
With nary a grunt, Amanda lifted her right leg into the air and made several circles. “That’s not what I’m saying at all. I’m saying it’s no big deal that you were embarrassed at the coffee place. I’m sure it happens all the time, and if he was an old boyfriend like you said he was, he was probably more than willing to help you out.”
“That’s the problem. He had zero issue with it, and now I owe him one.” I grunted as I moved my left leg into the air.
Amanda switched legs. “You don’t owe him anything. Did he say you had to pay him back?”
“No. But it’s out in the universe. These things have a way of working themselves out.”
“Yes, karma does have that effect, but you don’t owe him. If he was clear he was good, you need to let it go.”
Let it go. Something I wasn’t very good at. Actually, scratch that, very good implied I could let things go. I never let anything go. Old wounds festered for years. I had a nasty habit of remembering every bad thing that had ever happened, and not letting anyone around me forget howIhadn’t forgotten. Amanda should’ve known that.
“Listen, if it’s that big a deal to you go back there and pay for it then all will be right within your world again.” She rolled into a sitting position. “This is not a difficult situation to fix. In fact, this is easy.”
“Oh really?” I rolled my eyes which was easier than getting into a sitting position. “If your old fling, what was his name again, oh right, Jordan, if he was to take care of a bill for you because you suddenly were unable to, you’d totally be okay with it?” Hah.
However, voicing it made me sound like a witch, which proved how much I was, but it was out of line. The pained expression ghosting across her freckled face sent a deep ache to my soul, and I hated myself for having inflicted any kind of hurt on my best friend.
Things between Amanda and Jordan went disastrously wrong, and I was the worst friend in the world to have brought up his name. That jerk would’ve gloated and paraded around like he was some kind of saviour if he had come to her rescue.
“I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.” I reached for her hand, and the softest, most sincere voice breathed out of me. Tears built up and threatened to break free of the dam.
She inhaled and pushed herself to a standing position, extending a hand to help me up. “It was, but you made your point.” Locking her sights on me, she nodded. “You’re right, when you put it that way, it would be a big deal.”
“Thank you. That was all the acknowledgment I needed; I just had a terrible way of demonstrating my side.”
“You’d suck in a debate match.”
“No doubt about that.” I rolled up my mat and tucked it into my corner of pipe dreams which also included a small weight set, a jump rope, and a stretch band.
“You’re done? Already?”
“Yeah, my heart isn’t in it today. Figure I’ll just add an extra kilometre on my walk to make up for it.”
“You know what? I agree. I’m not feeling this today either.”
“Besides, you already look amazing.”
And she honestly did. Amanda was a perfect size six or eight, depending on the brand she wore, and she worked hard to maintain her figure. It appeared effortless, but there was a lot of investment. Reasonable portions, no calorie-laden drinks (except for the occasional glass of wine), and no licks, bites, or tastes of food. Three meals and two snacks daily, a ritual she did not budge from.
I, on the other hand, worked hard at eating the wrong things and not giving two cares about how I appeared to others. Once upon a time, like in my early teens, I was a svelte size six, but I wasn’t as happy as I was being a size ten. A girl needed to live a little. Or a lot on the weekends.
In the kitchen, I poured a couple of mugs of coffee and pulled out two prepackaged muffins.
Amanda sat at the bar-height table and crossed her legs as I sat down our breakfast. “So tell me about Carter, is he cute? Wait, first, is he single?”
I rolled my eyes, although it was a warranted question. “Yes.”
“Good, best place to start. And he’s a business owner, so that makes him smart.”
I climbed onto the chair and picked the crumbly top part off my muffin; always the tastiest bit. “He’s super passionate about how coffee is produced.”
“That’s a weird thing to be excited about.” She scrunched up her perfect upturned nose and then popped a chunk of muffin into her mouth.
“Actually, it was neat to hear the energy in his voice though since he lost his zest. As did I.” All it took was one life-changing moment to seal the deal. “However, he used to have this amazing sparkle in his eyes, the kind that lit up when he used to see me, and that was gone too. But for a moment, it returned.”
