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“Times are tough. Things have changed. Everyone’s working harder but not necessarily being blessed with a raise to help with the nasty rising costs of inflation, so it’s a good thing his business is still going strong. It’s a tough world out there.”
“I know.” I glanced at my friend. “He seems different, yet still the same in many ways, but different.”
“Like you?” An all-knowing expression filled her face.
I tossed my gaze to the steaming coffee watching as heated air currents rose from my mug. “Yeah, like me.”
“Even in the few years I’ve known you, time’s hardened you. I’m sure it’s changed him too. It did a number on me as well.”
I scoffed. Amanda was like a phoenix; she rose through her trauma and became better and stronger than she had been before. Letting go of things was her greatest strength and aside from the jerk, she never let things weigh her down. I envied that about her.
After a sip, I set the coffee down and rubbed my thumb across to catch the runoff. “Growing up bites. Do you ever wish you could go back in time and just be twenty again?”
“No!” Her hands smacked the table before I’d barely finished my question. “Absolutely no. Working full-time while also in school, and trying to find time to eat yet still pay the bills? No, thank you. I much prefer having a steady job with long hours, but at least I’m working. I’m not worried about my finances, my debt is diminishing, and I still get out. A lot. The dating pool is also better at this age. I can weed out the losers, and maybe one day, I’ll actually pick the winner.”
“Things aren’t working out with Kevin?”
She cast her gaze down and with the tip of her finger, flicked out a piece of apple from her muffin. “He’s a nice enough guy but he’s missing something. I just can’t figure out what.”
“Chemistry?”
She snorted and tossed her long dark hair over her shoulder. “Probably, even though he’s everything I thought I wanted - stable, single, and treats me well, but it’s meh.”
Meh. The mere word lit up the metaphorical lightbulb. Is that what Gerry thought of me? Was I meh to him? He’d often said I was everything he wanted, and things were going so well between us, so where did it all go wrong?
Maybe if I had been a better girlfriend or remembered every single detail of information he shared with me, he’d still be around? But it wasn’t like I didn’t care, quite the contrary. My mind was just constantly filled with a million plus one things I needed to do every day to keep my head above water, so perhaps a conversation or two slipped through. Yes, maybe I should’ve paid attention and done the things he wanted to do.
I paused, reflecting on my words.
Good grief, maybe it wasn’t a conversation slipping through, maybe it was the entirety of our relationship. Like a dying plant, I hadn’t given it enough water, and it could only hold out for so long before giving up.
Oh, for Pete’s sake. I had been a terrible girlfriend.
Amanda’s eyes widened and a deeply concerned look shadowed her otherwise chipper expression. “You’re that upset about the breakup with Gerry?”
I shook my head because it wasn’t the truth – I wasn’t completely upset. It was weird to think it was more the idea of Gerry I missed because apparently there hadn’t been much to the relationship considering how I wasn’t great girlfriend material and all that. Still…
My vision blurred the tiniest bit, but it was easy enough to reign it back.
“Oh, Honey, there ain’t no man on Earth worth crying over.”
I swiped at my eyes; thankful the dampness hadn’t broken free. “I swear it’s not tears; it’s sweat.” I fanned my shirt and looked anywhere but at the sympathetic smile tugging on my best friend’s lips. “It’s quite warm in here, isn’t it?”
“Sure, warm. Mmhmm.”
Gerry and I had been together for six months and had talked about him shifting into more serious territory. Eventually. But it never happened, and now he was gone. Was I truly that upset over him ditching me? I didn’t think I was because I hadn’t cried over a breakup since… well, since Carter.
***
After Amanda went home to ready for another day at the law offices of Skye Fox & Thorne, I scrolled the job listings, coming up empty. Nothing struck a chord, and nothing even remotely sounded interesting. Everything was – to use Amanda’s brilliant word – meh.
Giving up for the time being, I deleted my work cards from Apple Pay and smartly added my own before adding every other points card I had floating in the hallows of my purse. Once I was sure I had everything inputted correctly, I grabbed my laptop and some cash as it was time to pay off a debt. And maybe see Carter again. Especially since I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him.
Before I stepped out of my apartment, I stopped in front of an old picture of my father and six-year-old me standing in front of his business – Gallagher’s Sporting Goods. He’d been so proud of his shop and worked there daily until he, on a whim and a prayer, decided he wanted a break in the business and sold it. Not long after that, he dropped the bomb about his terminal cancer diagnosis. That was five years ago. It hadn’t been a whim and a prayer, he’d known, and being the amazing dad he was, he didn’t want me to have to deal with his business after his passing.
I stared at the picture again, seeing the deepened wrinkles in the corners of his grey-blue eyes, the lopsided smile, and the nicks on the fingertips of his hands upon my shoulders. Despite the many times he’d asked me to look at the camera, I couldn’t stop looking up at him, and in this snapshot, his head was tipped down in my direction not hiding his boisterous grin. Once upon a time, he’d shown me the takes, but of them all, this was the picture he’d chosen to hang behind the order desk because it was real, and you could sense the emotion within.
Dang, I had so many fond memories of hanging out and working in his shop, and of using the tools and creating something with my bare hands. Best of all, I’d gotten to hang out with my dad, sing old Johnny Cash songs when the customers weren’t around, and watch him do what he loved. We weren’t close in the sense we shared our secrets or anything, but we could count on each other. Always.
