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“I can’t,” she said, feeling bad about having to say no. “I have to pick up Molly soon. Why don’t you come to my house for dinner with us instead?”
“Does Molly know anything about me other than what you said at the swimming pool?”
“No.” Julie sat up, thinking over this situation. “I’ve gone out with very few men since Molly was born. And none lasted more than a date or two. She has never met anyone I went out with. I’m very careful about who gets close to my daughter.”
“I can respect that totally.” He was sitting up cross-legged now, facing her. “Does she ever see her father?”
“No. Never. So please do not ask her about that.” She sighed. “My brother has been the father-figure in her life, but now he’s married and deserves to have his own children.”
“So, you need a replacement?”
Julie saw the smirk on his face, the distrust that appeared in his eyes. “I’ll be honest, Noah. The reason I asked for the mini pill during my medical exam was because I decided I need to find Molly a father.”
“That shouldn’t be difficult for you. Half the men at the country club are eying you.”
“They turn me off. And since my doctor’s appointment, the two dates I had with other losers were disasters that barely went past hello.”
He snickered. “You’ve always been choosy.”
“True, but, aside from my absolute love and adoration for my baby girl, I’ve also been numb for years. Thanks to my father, I never had great trust in men to begin with, and after what happened with Molly’s father, I have next to zero. So here I am looking for a man when I don’t trust men or even like most of them.”
“I’d like to beat the crap out of the guy who did this to you.”
Julie sighed. “It wasn’t only him. But I don’t want to get into all that now. I just want to say that you are right. I need to find the real Julie. And I meant what I said—that a dose of Noah Taylor might be the only thing that can bring her back. When I’m with you I forget that I’m supposed to be doing this completely artificial thing of getting a father for my daughter. When I’m with you it is entirely for me and when I realize that, I feel selfish.”
“It’s not selfish, Julie. That’s how it should be, you dingbat. Molly wouldn’t want some man you picked out using a checklist of good father traits.”
She nodded, loving that he came to her defense. “I know, but that is the shell-of-a-person Julie became. The real Julie never expected to see you again. Or to feel the kinds of things you make me feel.”
Noah’s voice went quiet when he asked her, “Did you ever think about me over the last seven years?”
“Of course. Many times. But I figured you would be happily married. To someone who is really good for you. Unlike me.” She looked him in the eye. “I have a lot of baggage, Noah.”
“You always did.”
She grinned. “And I always appreciated your honesty.”
“Then I’ll tell you this—I was a mess after you broke up with me. How could you give up what we had so easily? Didn’t you ever just long to be with me?”
“Yes, but I was in such a horrible state of hating myself that it didn’t matter. I think I was trying in a sneaky way to kill myself.”
“Do you know what that would have done to me? Didn’t you care?”
“I really believed I was doing you a favor, Noah. You said so yourself when we talked in Dr. Nizer’s office.”
He waved off her words. “I didn’t mean it. I was just protecting myself.”
Julie faced him, regret filling her. “Well, I honestly thought I was protecting you. I really believed you deserved someone much better than me. I remember telling my friend Gillian that very thing when she saw pictures of you on my phone. Now I see I was wrong and I’m sorry I hurt you instead.”
Noah looked out at the ocean. “Yeah, I was so hurt and depressed I could hardly function. Ironically, it was my sister getting sick and needing me that kept me from screwing up my final year of med school. That was like a cold slap in the face that got me to stop feeling sorry for myself over losing you and made me focus on what was important.”
Julie reached out and touched his hand. “That is one of the reasons I love you. Your ability to see what really matters and not be fooled by what doesn’t.”
His eyes met hers. “Did you just say you love me?”
“Oh, um…I’m sorry.” She pulled her hand back and covered her mouth.
“Sorry you said it or sorry you once loved me?”
