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“Tell me there’s some way I can make it up to you. I hate that I’ve done this to you, Aspen. I need us to be okay.”
I swallow hard, stepping out of his arms as a wave of nervousness flutters through me. God, I’ve got to be insane for suggesting this. It’s bolder than I’ve ever been, but everything is already up in the air between us. Maybe this is my only chance.
Lifting my gaze, my expression sobers as my heart pounds out of control. “Teach me, Izaac.”
He stares at me a moment, as if what I just asked him isn’t registering and he needs to repeat it a few times in his head to truly understand. His brows slowly begin to furrow, and when a deep reluctance flashes in his dark eyes, the pending rejection cripples me. “Do you understand what you’re asking me?”
I don’t respond, just hold his gaze to let him see the seriousness in my eyes.
He shakes his head, inching back. “No. Despite everything I said, I can’t. I won’t do that to Austin.”
I scoff, gaping at him incredulously. “You didn’t seem to care what Austin thought when you walked back into that room, and you sure as fuck didn’t spare his feelings when you stripped me out of my clothes or put your hands all over my body. What about when you flicked your tongue over my nipple and pushed those thick fingers inside of me? Were you thinking about him then? You had every intention of fucking me, Izaac, so why all of a sudden do you care what Austin thinks?”
“Aspen,” he says, his voice dropping low in warning.
“No,” I say with a disbelieving laugh. “So, it’s okay for you to cross the line when it’s something you want, but when it’s the other way around, it’s suddenly an appalling idea.”
“Don’t even start with that shit. You saw how fucking worked up I got over you. There’s nothing appalling about it,” he insists, stepping into me and taking my waist, his fingers digging in. “But you know just as well as I do that this is wrong. It’s gonna get us in the kind of trouble we can’t come back from. It’s one thing fucking when you think we’re strangers, but fucking when you know it’s me . . .”
“Oh my God,” I laugh, shoving his hands off my waist, “You’re worried I’m going to fall for you even more than I already have.”
Guilt flickers in his eyes, and he gives me a gentle stare. “Am I wrong?”
“Yeah,” I scoff, having to pace the kitchen to keep myself grounded. “In what world do you think I could ever love you again after what you did to me? I’ve always valued you, Izaac, because I’ve always been able to trust that you would never hurt me, but you’re not the man I thought you were, and I will never be able to trust you again. But there’s one thing you’re not wrong about—”
I pause and so does he, holding my stare as he slowly arches a brow, curiosity lingering in his dark eyes. “Dare I ask?”
I swallow hard, unsure why I should still feel nervous at this point. After all, the man has been deep inside of me, and after he so boldly admitted just how good it is with me, why can’t I do the same? It’s not like he doesn’t already know. I’ve already told him, only I thought he was a completely different person then.
“It’s why I came back to the club in the first place. With you, it just felt right. I never could have imagined that it could be that good, and I know that I don’t exactly have anything to compare it to, but I can’t imagine that anybody else could possibly be capable of setting my whole body on fire the way you did. And like you said, it’s the first time you’ve ever been inclined to invite a woman to come back. We work together, Izaac. Our bodies are just . . . compatible. Now, I don’t know if that would change now that I know it’s you, but I know that what I experienced with you was incredible, and when something is that good, why deny yourself?”
Now he’s the one pacing the kitchen and shaking his head. “I don’t know, Aspen. I’m not denying how fucking good it was or the fact that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since, but we’re crossing too many fucking lines.”
“Please, Izaac,” I say, moving back into him and catching his arm to bring him to a stop in front of me. He meets my stare, and I hold it captive, knowing one wrong move and I could lose him forever. “I want to learn what my body is capable of, and I want you to be the one to teach me.”
He groans, pushing my hands off his arm, a clear battle warring inside his mind. “This is fucking insane.”
“And yet, you haven’t told me no.”
He shakes his head. “This is a fucking terrible idea. If I were to touch you again . . .”
He lets his words fade away, and as I watch him, it occurs to me that he wasn’t worried about me falling deeper in love with him, which we both know I lied about when I told him I wouldn’t. He’s worried that he’ll be the one falling for me.
“If you were to touch me again . . . what?” I prompt. “What are you scared of, Izaac? That you’ll fall in love with me too?”
His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows hard, and I wait on bated breath for his response. “That’s not something I’m concerned about,” he tells me, something flashing in his eyes as he struggles to meet mine. “I’ve known you for twenty-two years, Aspen. If I haven’t fallen in love with you yet, it’s never gonna happen.”
Well, fuck. That hurt.
I flinch away from him as though his words physically hurt me, but didn’t they? I can practically feel the old scars opening all over again. “Wow. Nothing like a bit of honesty to finish off my Tuesday night,” I mutter, watching as his shoulders sag, clearly not having meant to hurt me, but hell, he’s on a roll. Why stop now? “Look, it’s simple, if the answer is no, then it’s no. I’m not going to hold that against you. I’ll just find someone else. But if you don’t mind, I’m done for tonight.”
Humiliation pounds through my veins, and I turn away, desperately needing the time to nurse my bruised ego, but his hand closes around my elbow pulling me back to him. Desperation flashes in his eyes and I don’t think he realizes just how tight he’s holding on to me. “You wouldn’t.”
My brows furrow in confusion. “Why the hell wouldn’t I?” I question. “I stupidly saved myself for you for so long, and you’ve made it clear, time and time again, that I will never be anything more to you than Austin’s little sister. So why the hell shouldn’t I go and fuck any man who looks my way? I’m twenty-two, Izaac, and if you don’t want to teach me what my body is capable of, then someone else will.”
“FUCK!”
He whips himself around, his hands at his temples, clearly needing a moment to find his composure, and judging by the way his shoulders rise and fall, he needs deep breaths just to keep control.
