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Is he . . . jealous of me being with another man? What in the ever-loving fuck?
When he turns back, his gaze is filled with a strange mix of fire and unease. “If, and it’s a big if, I agreed to do this, it can’t be here or at my place. Only at the club. Teacher. Student,” he says, indicating to himself before pointing toward me. “That’s it. Nothing more. No beds. No kissing. Just sex. It’s strictly a professional relationship. Emotion is off the table. It doesn’t even enter the fucking chat.”
“That’s all I’m asking for,” I say, feeling a flutter of hope rising in my chest.
“Austin can never know.”
I nod, not needing to voice my response. He knows we’re on the same page regarding my brother. Having Austin know about this simply can’t happen, even if this is as far as it ever goes.
“Fuck, Aspen,” Izaac says, his hands balling into fists at his side as his control begins to slip. “I need to think about this.”
“Okay. That’s fair.”
He clenches his jaw, striding toward my front door, only he pauses as he reaches for the handle. “You don’t even look at another man until you have my answer. Is that understood?”
I nod, and with that, he disappears out my door, leaving me with a new hope and a heart that isn’t quite so broken.
17
IZAAC
This is fucking insane.
When I fell through the door of her apartment, I was ready for anything she could have thrown at me. I was ready to get on my hands and knees and beg her forgiveness. But she blindsides me with a fucking curve ball.
Teach me.
FUCK!
Those words have circled my head for two long days, and even now, lying in bed on a lonely Thursday night, I can’t stop thinking about it. No matter what I do, I’m fucked.
How could she ask this of me? But then, why the fuck haven’t I told her no? Why didn’t I refuse her the second she showed back up at Vixen? I should have walked away, not given her a chance to argue her point, yet here I am, still desperately trying to find the balls to turn her away.
Fucking hell. Look at me pretending I don’t know why I haven’t told her no. I know exactly why. It’s because being inside of her is like waking up in heaven. Her body wrapped around mine was the sweetest rush of ecstasy, and when she came undone in my hands . . . I’ve never felt anything like it. I just hate that it has to be her. Why couldn’t I find this physical compatibility with anyone else? Why does it have to be my best friend’s little sister?
Getting involved with her any more than I already have is a mistake—a fucking colossal one—but what am I supposed to do?
Teach me.
God, I want this so badly. I want to have her in my private room at Vixen. I want to show her exactly what she can do and explore her every boundary. I want to know how quickly I can make her come, how hard, how intense, but I’m also dying to see just how long she can hold out. If she likes it rough or slow, what kinks she has, and just how loud she can scream.
But I can’t have her fall in love with me . . . at least, any more than she already is. It’s one thing when she thinks she’s fucking a stranger, but to have her look right into my eyes as she comes, to have her holding on to me as I push inside of her . . . it’s different. Aspen even wondered if I was at risk of falling for her, and I hate how blunt I was in my response. The way her face fell with agony . . . fuck. I’m such an asshole. She deserves so much better than the bullshit I could offer her, and the sooner she figures it out, the better.
I went to her apartment to try and make things better, but instead, I only reminded myself of why I’m not worthy of her love in the first place, not that I ever gave her a chance to offer it before.
I don’t let women get close enough to love me, and hell, I sure as fuck have never loved one in return. What’s the point? Not even my biological parents could love me. The woman who birthed me was supposed to love me without question, and she threw me away like I was nothing more than a rabid animal, and that shit left gaping scars—ones I’ve never been able to come to terms with—and because of that, I’ve learned that maybe some people simply aren’t capable of falling in love or even accepting it when it hits you right in the face.
That’s me. I’m broken.
Sure, I can fuck and show a woman a great time, but that’s all I’m capable of offering. The second I get even a hint that someone is starting to feel something for me, I call it quits. Hell, I’ve never even kissed a woman. It’s too fucking personal. Which is exactly why I have to keep Aspen at arm’s length.
She insisted that she couldn’t love me after what I did, and if she were anyone else, I’d believe her, but this is Aspen. She’s been there through everything, seen me at my worst and no amount of bullshit has ever deterred her. On the other hand, I’ve never hurt her like this before, never betrayed her trust or taken advantage of her.
Fuck, that makes me sound like such an asshole, but I guess that’s exactly what I am, and if I were to do this, all I’d be doing is proving it. I can’t say yes without crossing Austin, and I can’t say no without hurting her.
It’s an impossible choice. Take a bite out of the forbidden fruit and sink into a world full of wicked promises or walk away while knowing she’ll be giving everything she’s got to someone else. All her firsts will belong to another man, and all those things I desperately want to explore with her will be someone else’s discoveries.
Fuck, why does the idea of her with another man bother me so much?
