AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I guess the question is, can I live with that? Can I face her while knowing some other man has been inside of her, thatI’vebeen inside of her but will never get that chance again?
If I’m completely honest with myself, I think I knew my answer the second she asked me to teach her, and I’ve been too fucking scared to admit how badly I want it, and too fucking ashamed at how quickly I’d stab Austin in the back for this.
What kind of friend does that make me?
Knowing I’ve dragged this on for long enough, I reach for my phone as something expands in my chest, and I hope like fuck it’s not regret.
Opening a new text, I work my fingers across the keyboard, and with every next letter that appears on the screen, I feel the sharp sting of the knife as I stab my best friend right in the back.
Izaac - If I agree to this, you can’t hold the dark room against me. This gives us a clean slate. I’ll teach you exactly what your body is capable of, and in return, you forgive me.
I feel fucking sick, but it’s not like the last few times I’ve texted her. Those were accompanied by the convenient excuse of being too drunk to think straight, but I don’t have the same excuse tonight. This is nothing but cold, hard betrayal, just like the second night at Vixen.
Fuck, I really am an asshole.
The read receipt appears under my text almost immediately, and within seconds, a new text appears.
Aspen - That’s all I’m asking for.
Izaac - It’s just sex. Nothing more.
Aspen - I know.
Izaac - And Austin?
Aspen - He’ll never know.
Fuck! What the hell am I doing? It’s not too late to back out. Only, I don’t want to.
Izaac - Be at Vixen on Sunday night. 10pm.
18
ASPEN
My hand tightens around the Vixen membership card that mysteriously showed up on my kitchen counter last night. It’s clear that Izaac put it there, but the question is, why wasn’t it slid under the door? How the hell did he get inside to put it on the counter? I know damn well I didn’t leave my door unlocked, which could only mean that giant asshole has a key to my apartment. I suppose now that I’ve given him complete access to my body, he must believe he has access to my home too.
That raging asshole.
Though that also means the day he sat at my door, he did so with patience. He could have used that key and stormed in at any time, but he waited until I was ready. Surely that’s got to mean something, right?
God, why do I have to love him so much? It would be so much easier if I could hate him and things like getting ready to leave for my dick appointment would feel a little more transactional. Instead, I’m wound up in a ball of nerves.
I have so many questions about how tonight’s supposed to pan out. Am I allowed to touch him? He’s already made it clear that kissing is off the table, but is that how he is with everyone he’s with, or is that just a rule for me because kissing might make things a little too . . . personal? Though, I don’t know what’s more personal than when he pushes that ginormous pierced cock deep inside of me.
I’m so nervous. I told him I’d be fine, that knowing it was him wasn’t going to affect me, and that I could keep myself from falling for him any more than I already had, but I’m almost positive that was a lie. I guess I won’t really know until we’re in that room and he puts his hands on my body. But knowing how good it is with him, how could I not have certain . . . feelings?
Are the lights going to be on or off? Will he meet me at the bar or am I expected to seek him out? Is he planning to fuck me and walk away, or will this be an all-night adventure? So many variables with so many unanswered questions, and every last one of them revolves around him.
I suppose I’d prefer this insane nervousness over the heartache and betrayal I’ve been dealing with the past few weeks. When his text came through, telling me he was in, it almost didn’t seem real. I’ve wanted this for so long . . . Well, an alternate version of this. I would have preferred that when something happened between us, it was because he was so into me he couldn’t keep his hands off me. That he was falling in love with me. But this is different. He doesn’t love me, doesn’t even see me as anything more than his best friend’s little sister, and it makes me feel like such a joke.
Did he agree to this because he thought it was his only way to find redemption for what he did? Or was it because the idea of being with me again was too tempting that he was willing to risk everything?
Like I said, so many unanswered questions.
I stand in my bathroom mirror, my hands sweeping through my long hair as my gaze drops to the membership card that lies beside my makeup bag.
Member #02684
