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Cuba
Jackson,
I was an asshole again. Every time I try to say something nice, I end up insulting her instead. I managed to not only call her stupid, but I called her basic when I really meant she was too smart to have dated Dex Collins, and that I think she got sexier rapping along to one of my favorite songs. She says she has a date, but I don’t believe her, or I don’t want to know. I know I can’t have her, but the thought of someone else with her, man, it kind of pisses me off. But what pisses me off a little more is that Dex had her, how the hell did that happen? Anyway, I have to go see Oliver.
Later.
-C
My session with Oliver is always the same, he asks me how I am, he asks about school, about my family and friends, he even asks about my session with Bliss. I keep all my answers the same, everything is okay, I’m getting better. Except when Arrow’s eyes flash in my head, and I’m reminded that a part of me is still angry, and that emotion is being used on the wrong person. But I don’t tell Oliver that, he’ll just try to read into it, and come up with some other bullshit that I can’t deal with right now. I refuse to let him know he might be right about me holding onto some anger from Jackson’s death.
I was such an asshole to her this morning, I didn’t plan to be, but when I saw Dex gripping her wrist and heard her telling him to let go, something just turned inside me, and my good intentions subsided. I didn’t want that dick touching her. When she said he was her ex, I was so upset because she deserves better than him, definitely better than someone like me. So once the snide comments started, I couldn’t stop, but damn if she didn’t put me in my place. Those stormy eyes held me in place until I let her win, her little dress and heels didn’t help at all, they just made me want to pull her into my lap and mess up that sexy ass hair more. She’s driving me crazy.
After my uneventful session, I decide to meet up with Cameron at some pizza place near campus, we were supposed to meet next Thursday but I’m starving, and he texted asking if I wanted to grab a pizza with him and Ash, another guy from the team I use to hang out with. I need to get back to living, one step at a time.
When I park outside of Anna’s pizza, I see Cameron’s red mustang and know they are already here. Grabbing my baseball cap, I pull it down on my head, right above my eyes. I still don’t want people to notice me just yet. It’s not like I’m some type of celebrity, but I was pretty popular, and I don’t want anyone asking where I have been. I don’t want to see the pity in their eyes.
When I walk through the doors I automatically see the two guys in a back corner. Ignoring the cute little hostess, I make my way to them. Cameron sees me first, a big ass smile spreads across his face, and he stands up to do the team hand shake, like old times, except it’s not, Jackson isn’t here anymore.
“What’s up man, it’s good to see you.” He takes a seat and motions for me to sit. Cameron looks like he could be the singer Tyrese’s little brother, I swear they have the same dark color and big ass smile with shiny white teeth. He’s even the jokester of the team.
“Same.” I nod looking over to Ash. “When did you get a man bun?”
He laughs. “I was just waiting for you to say something. My girl likes my long hair, so I just never cut it.” Most people are surprised when they learn Ash is a basketball player and not a pro surfer, but dude kills it on the court.
“Still dating Amanda?” They have been dating since we were freshman.
“Yeah, love of my fucking life.” He smiles fondly. “But how have you been?”
I swallow. “I’m good, catching up to come back next semester.”
Before Ash can say anything, a waitress bounces up to our table, her bright red hair swaying behind her. “I’m Nikki, what can I get you guys to drink?” Her green eyes take the three of us in, and she bites her lip.
“We’ll take three waters and a pitcher of Blue Moon.” Cameron doesn’t even look at her as he taps away on him phone. “And a large Pepperoni.” He looks up and flashes her one of his smiles. “Thanks, Nikki.”
She smiles and nods her head. “Of course, I’ll be back.” She skips off.
“Definitely getting her number later.” He laughs. Ash just shakes his head.
“Anyway, have you thought about coming back?” Ash looks down at the table brushing away invisible crumbs. I know what he’s asking, even Cameron leans in closer.
“I don’t know yet, I don’t know if I can.” Rubbing the back of my neck, I shake my head.
Ash nods, understanding. “He would want you to come back. I’m not saying that because we want you to come back, but because you belong there.”
I know Jackson would want me to play, to make our dreams a reality. It’s just hard to wrap my mind around it. I know practice starts in a month, coach has reached out with the schedule, I guess hoping I might show.
Nikki comes back with our waters and the pitcher of beer, she also sets a basket of bread sticks on the table before swaying away again. Cameron pours the beer and I debate drinking it. It’s been awhile since I’ve drank, and I can control myself, I’m in a better place I remind myself. This is my last year, I can’t hide from everything, even if I want to.
For the next hour, we eat pizza, down beer, and talk shit about the school’s other sports teams. The football team is trash, and the baseball team is a hit or miss. We don’t even get into the hockey team; those fuckers think their toothless asses are God’s gift to women. The basketball team went all the way to the final four last year and elite eight this year. They’ve been holding it down since everything fell apart. The team didn’t abandon me like I did them, they just gave me my space, and I couldn’t even give them a text back until now, a little over a year later.
Cameron’s eyes widen. “What the fuck, that can’t be who I think it is.” He tosses down his third slice. “What’s he doing out here?”
Ash looks over my shoulder and then to me. “Cuba don’t say shit, fuck him.”
Frowning and confused, I spin around on my stool, that’s when I see Aaron Fucking James, the point guard from NCU. Let’s say I’m Larry Bird and he’s Magic Johnson, our beef is well known. What the hell is he doing on the west coast? He turns to talk to a blonde that is walking beside him. I know those blonde waves and stormy eyes. My jaw ticks. Chris my ass. She lied. Two more familiar faces come into view, India Daniels, the cheerleader, and Alex James from the hockey team.
“Is Alex his fucking relative?” I look back to Cam and Ash.
