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“Fuck if I know.” Cam shrugs. “Looks like he’s on a date, damn she’s sexy, isn’t that Dex’s ex-girlfriend? I heard she caught him getting his dick sucked by Amber.” I tune him out and look back to where the group is seated about five tables away.
Grabbing my beer, I slide off the stool. “I’m going to say hello.”
I hear Cam and Ash scramble to get off their stools to follow me. I hear them whisper-scream my name, but I ignore them.
“Arrow.” I slide into the open seat next her, my eyes on Aaron. “What did I tell you about dating clowns, thought you learned from the last one.”
“Cuba fucking Knight, I heard you were gone,” Aaron says before Bliss can say anything. “I didn’t see you last year or this year, what happened?” He looks over to where Cam and Ash sit next to him.
“Where’s your partner in crime, oh wait-“
“I wouldn’t finish that sentence,” I grit through my teeth in warning,
A hand grips my thigh under the table. “What are you doing here?” Bliss speaks, forcing me to look at her. She doesn’t look upset, like earlier today, she looks curious like she knows something is wrong.
“Eating,” I say, and I regret it when I realize the sarcasm. “Then I saw you out here making bad decisions.”
“Looks like the only wrong decision she made is knowing you,” Aaron chimes in.
“What the hell is going on?” India leans forward eyeing me. I’ve known her since freshman year, but we never really spoke. “I mean it’s good to see you guys but what is happening?”
Cam gets up. “Nothing, we were just saying hi.” He flashes a smile and looks to me. I nod and glance over to Bliss.
“See you next week, Arrow. Chris seems real nice.” Yeah, I’m being an asshole because the thought of this dick touching her will fuck with me. Her eyes meet mine, widening remembering what she told me.
“See you then.” She swallows and looks down at her hands.
Standing up, I give Aaron another look. Don’t fucking touch her. He just smiles, and it takes everything in me to walk away, and not deck him in the mouth. I don’t even look back at Bliss, she could have told me to go to hell, or go off on me after how I acted earlier. Instead, she just sat there, and that throws me off.
“I know that’s Dex’s ex, but shit, is she your ex too or something?” Cam asks once we’re in the parking lot.
“Sure, seemed like a lets see whose dick is bigger moment.” Ash leans against my G-Wagon.
Brushing them off, I shake my head. “I just wanted to fuck with him,” I lie. “I’m out, thanks for the invite.” They don’t say anything as I get in. Ash pushes off and stands next to Cam, both give a short wave as I pull out of the spot and drive away. I need to run or do anything to get this anger out. My first thought is to hit up a girl to come over, but my dick can’t get hard for just anyone right now. I only want one pair of eyes looking up at me and, right now, they are still in that restaurant. Fuck me.
The thing I loved most about playing basketball was the freedom, just being out on the court gave me peace. The echo of the ball bouncing off the polished wood floor now brings heartache, yet a calm follows, flowing through my blood, and I run down the court that I used to grace more than half the year. The ball leaves hand to hand, under and over moving legs on the path to the goal.
Breathing heavily, I make my way down the court for the hundredth time in the last hour. After leaving the restaurant I couldn’t go home, I was too wound up from seeing Aaron, and even more pissed off that Bliss was seated across from him on a fucking date. I wanted to text her after I left, to apologize about how I acted, but then I remembered she is still around that asshole. How the hell does she even know him?
Stopping at the three-point line, I bend my knees, jumping to take the shot, and landing back on my feet as I watch the ball swiftly go through the net. Basketball always calmed me down, it was my happy place for so long… until it wasn’t. But now I’m slowly falling back in love with the sport that was my life.
Sinking to the floor, I drape my arms over my bent knees, around me the banners from the first two championships we won our freshman and sophomore years, I was MOP both times. There is no way I would have gotten that if it wasn’t for Jackson always having my back. It’s been months since I stepped foot on this court, at first, I would just sneak in at night and sit on the sideline, letting the memories wash over me. I started to come and play a few weeks ago, part of me is ready to feel the freedom again but joining the team again is a whole different story. Without Jackson, I don’t know if I can be the same player.
This void that I have been living in is slowly disappearing the more I try to live again, to be normal again, but if losing this void means I move on from Jackson, I don’t know if I can do it. I know everyone thinks that enough is enough, and I need to get over it, but how does one get over the death of someone that was basically my brother. No one understood the bond we had, he was my soul brother.
I almost lost my shit back there when Aaron started to bring up Jackson in front of Bliss. The college basketball world is aware of what happened, surprisingly teams around the US made a fund for him, sent cards and flowers almost every week. I was told that some flew out for his funeral. That’s another regret that sits on me, that I didn’t show my face because I was too drunk and doped up that I couldn’t get off the floor. The shame will haunt me forever.
I hear my phone sound off on the bench. Pushing up on my feet, I walk over and pick it up, I stare at the name of the person that sent the text. It’s Bliss.
Arrow: Are you okay?
I’m a complete dick to her and still she reaches out to me. I want to text her back, tell her I’m okay but the other side of me wants to tell her to mind her own business. I don’t say either. Instead, I slip my phone in the pocket of my basketball shorts and grab my keys.
“Baby, that’s a loaded question,” I say to myself. She has no idea how far away I am from being okay.
