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They were friends, and for the first time in a while, I was the odd man out when it came to Koah. He turned my way and pulled me into his side, making Donald look over at me, and again, I saw the recognition in his gaze. A slow smile formed on his lips, sending a spiral of nausea through my center.
“This is Tori,” Koah introduced me, unaware that my world was spinning out of control.
Donald nodded in my direction, and his smile grew more prominent. “What’s up, Tori?”
I exhaled, my heart drilling so hard and fast inside my chest I could feel it and hear it in my ears. He was going to play along. He wasn’t going to let Koah know we knew each other.
I nodded, acknowledging him. Words were beyond me, and I was afraid if I opened my mouth, I would vomit.
My throat was tight with panic; memories drowned me, and even though I stood still beside Koah, I was screaming inside for someone to save me. Things were perfect with Koah; I couldn’t believe the bomb that had just detonated between us.
I had to run.
At some point, I would come between Koah and his best friend, Joker. There was no way I would do it with Koah and Donald. I wasn’t going to put Koah or myself in that position. But there was no way I could be in the same space as the boy who stole my innocence. I needed to go away before I disturbed Koah’s friendships—before my memories moved in and dragged me into their blackness. I would stay away, even if that meant breaking my heart and ghosting Koah.
30
Saint
ThelasttimeIwas this content was when my mother was alive. Being on the beach with my mom was the last time I felt the kind of love in my heart that I felt with Tori. It was the last time I felt so alive and emotionally safe. Tori had my heart, and I would tell her how I felt the next time I was with her. I was in love with her, and in my heart, I knew she felt the same.
After our date, I took her home. She held me tight with her cheek pressed to my back, and I wanted to keep driving because I knew how much she loved being on the back of my bike. Instead, we returned to her apartment, where we showered together and fell asleep in each other’s arms.
Gracie came home in the middle of the night, and the front door opening woke me. I got out of bed and crept into the living room. She paused in the middle of the living room like she had been caught doing something wrong when she spotted me.
“Hey, you. Does your sister know you’re getting home this late?”
I didn’t want to sound invasive, but it wasn’t safe for Gracie to be out at this time of night, especially in such a rough neighborhood.
“Nope,” she said, entering the kitchen, opening the refrigerator, and grabbing a water bottle. “But I bet you’ll tell her, aren’t you?”
She was being offensive.
I held my hands up and shook my head. “I’m staying out of it, but it’s not safe. That’s all I’m saying. If anything happened to you, your sister wouldn’t survive it.”
She snorted. “She’d probably be relieved.”
Then she left me standing in the center of the room to go to her bedroom. She slammed her door behind her.
Teenagers.
I remember how rough that shit was. Still, I wasn’t trying to get in the middle of that mess with Tori. They would work it out, but Tori did need to make sure Gracie understood how dangerous their neighborhood was. Hell, it was dangerous everywhere. I had been sexually molested in a rich, comfortable home by someone everyone else assumed was an upstanding citizen. I supposed sickos were everywhere.
I checked the locks, turned off the lights, and returned to bed.
I WOKE BEFORE TORI the following morning and watched her sleep peacefully before I knew I needed to get up and go home. The boys and I had a run, and while I wanted to lie in bed with Tori and have a lazy Sunday, I knew the guys needed me. They would be pissed if I didn’t show.
She mumbled my name and reached for me when I kissed her goodbye, and I had to force myself to leave her warm and snuggled in bed. The apartment was quiet while I was leaving, and I locked up before closing the door and taking the stairs to the first floor.
The parking lot was empty, my bike untouched, but when I cranked my loud engine, curtains were pulled back, and blinds were pushed open to watch. Fucking nosy druggies. I backed out of my parking space and pulled away, counting the hours until I could return to Tori’s side.
It was early, the world barely awake, and the morning dew still falling. Our neighborhood was quiet when I drove through to our place. The house was still when I pulled into the driveway and opened the garage door, but when I went inside, I was met with Joker sitting on the couch watching cartoons and eating.
“It’s too fucking early,” he rumbled as he took a bite of his cereal. “Why does Donny B. like doing business so fucking early? He needs to lay off the speed and get some fucking sleep.”
I chuckled. “You’re a ball of happiness this morning. Party too hard last night?”
He nodded. “ Like usual.” He set this bowl down and turned toward me on the couch. “Where were you? Some rich boys at The Strip last night with new rides were giving us their money. Thinking they could race one of us and win.” He snorted and shook his head.
