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He nodded.
“Well, where is she? Is she okay?” My voice cracked, tears building in my eyes and clogging my throat.
He closed his eyes, his blazing green gaze locked away from me before speaking again.
“I’m so sorry, Tori. She didn’t make it.”
I stilled—my heart paused in my chest and my breath was sucked from my body. I swung my gaze to Koah for affirmation, and when his eyes met mine, I knew. I just fucking knew.
Gracie was gone.
A sound exploded from my lips, a broken cry of grief that I felt all the way to my toes. I tried to get up, to move to any place that didn’t exist where my sister was no longer with me, but Koah stopped me, making me stay in bed.
“Tori, calm down,” he said, holding me against the bed.
“Let me go!” I screamed, kicking my legs and relishing in the pain from where I had been shot. “Let me out of here!”
He held me down, tears rushing down his cheeks as he shook his head. “You can’t, baby. You have to stay here a little while longer.”
“I’m not your fucking baby!” I screeched. “This is your fault!”
It was his fault. My fault. Everyone in the fucking room’s fault. Bikers. The Strip. The drugs. My sister wouldn't have been there if I had stayed away from Koah, his crew, and The Strip. She would have been home, doing homework and waiting for me to get home. But she wasn’t. She was dead, dying in a motorcycle accident, of all things, and it was because I was weak. Because I couldn’t stay away from Koah and his lifestyle.
Koah paled even more, his body stiffening, but he didn’t argue. Instead, he cupped my cheek and pulled me into his arms. I fought against his hold, crying at the pain in my center and back and the destruction in my heart.
"Tori, please stop. You’re going to hurt yourself.” Koah tried to calm me again.
“I don’t care!” I shrieked. “Let me die! I just want to die!”
Shoving Koah off me, I threw my legs over the side of the bed. Tubes were yanked, pain blooming in my chest and back in a way that almost stopped me, but I pushed through. Let the tubes come out. Let it all go to hell.
I wanted out. I needed to go to my sister—be with my sister—no matter where she was. There was no me without her anyway. After everything I had done to get her back, to take care of her and give her a better future, I had failed. I had killed her just as sure as the bike wreck that stole her life.
Strong arms surrounded me, and I knew they were Koah’s. I beat my fists against his chest as he put me back in bed.
“Tori, you have to calm down and lie back.”
I didn’t know whose voice it was. I didn’t care. I only had one goal in mind: to get away from everything. To end it all.
There was commotion around me, my heart monitor beeping out of control, and before I realized what she was doing, a nurse put a shot of something in my IV. I felt its effects almost immediately, my body going limp and falling back onto the bed. My arms and legs were heavy, and my eyelids followed, slowly closing and shutting out the world around me.
Before I went under, my sister’s face flashed through my mind. Her smile. Her mischievous grins. Our past and present, no future to be found.
“Gracie, please,” I whispered, the sound breaking over my chapped lips and disappearing into the darkness around me.
And then there was nothing.
38
Saint
OnceToriwassedated,I shattered. I wanted to tear the room apart and rage against anyone who came near me, but I couldn’t let go of her hand to do any of that. She was awake, and the doctors said she would be okay, but would she? Physically, sure, but she had just lost her last remaining family member. Someone didn’t just bounce back from that.
Her words rushed over me, making the guilt inside my stomach build until I could barely breathe. She was right. It was my fault—all of it. The fights. The guns. The drugs. The fucking life I led. It all got us to the point we were in at that very moment—Tori in the hospital and Gracie cold in the morgue downstairs.
Everly put her arms around me, attempting to hold me together while all of my broken pieces threatened to float away. Nothing seemed to be keeping me glued to myself—nothing was keeping me from dissolving into the abyss. Although I wanted to shake her off, Everly had constantly reminded me of my mother; that was somehow comforting at that moment.
I couldn’t fix this. I couldn’t go downstairs and bring Gracie back to our world, and I knew when Tori finally woke from sedation, I would lose her as well. She didn’t die, but she would be gone, and my heart didn’t know how to take that. It was broken and bruised, barely beating. The only thing that kept me going was the thought of Tori alone. Even if she never wanted to see my face again, I would always be there for her.
