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“You were good with her.”
“You were, too. That mom really appreciated it.”
Rhiannon shrugged. “Frazzled moms are kind of a trigger.” She looked at Lenna. “You want kids?”
“Yes,” Lenna said emphatically. “But who knows when it will happen. Dating is so hard.”
“Sohard.”
“You want kids, too?”
Rhiannon shook her head vehemently. “Absolutely not.”
“You could still have them, even if you lived in a…community.” She stumbled over the last word, hoping she’d remembered the right terminology.
“I don’t think so.”
Lenna waited for Rhiannon to explain herself—here it was, surely, the reason for her tears at the store. But she didn’t. In fact, she looked like she was somewhere else entirely, maybe ready to leave.
Lenna worried she’d blown it. Maybe she’d asked a question that shouldn’t have been asked. It was no wonder she had troublemaking friends—she didn’t have the natural knack for conversation.
“Sorry,” she blurted.
“Huh?” Rhiannon’s head shot up. Her face softened. She looked at the drink coasters in Lenna’s hands. They were balanced between Lenna’s palms, the edges perfectly lined up. Lenna needed to keep them that way. If she let the corners shift, Rhiannon wouldcertainlyleave. There would go her first chance at a friend.
Without another word, Rhiannon stood and walked to the end of the bar. She scooped up a few more stacks of coasters and brought them over. She said nothing, just leaving them in a pile in front of Lenna.
Lenna blinked. It was like Rhiannon had performed a magic trick. “How did you know…?” She eagerly scooped all of them up and started forming a neat tower.
Rhiannon shrugged. “I had a roommate in college who liked to organize stuff, too. I got your back.” She winked.
“I didn’t used to be so…organize-y,” Lenna explained, suddenly mortified. Were her behaviors that obvious? “It came on recently.”
“Oh yeah?”
And then it spilled out of her: her mother’s diagnosis, how quickly her illness progressed, how Lenna didn’t even have time to catch her breath. But also howpreventableit felt—and how desperately Lenna missed her. Surely there was something she could have done. Corners she could have straightened. Yellow she could have searched for. She vowed never to be caught off guard again. And so came the rituals.
Rhiannon listened, nodding as patiently as she did with the little girl outside the dressing room. Lenna couldn’t remember—had anyone listened to her like this before? Well, besides her mom.
One drink led to another. The baseball game went into extrainnings. It was so magical, Lenna nearly forgot that it was supposed to be a dark anniversary, six years to the day since her mother passed. There was brightness instead. But as they were getting up to leave, Rhiannon paused. Her gaze was on something across the room.
“What is it?” Lenna asked. She followed Rhiannon’s line of sight. All she saw was an ordinary-looking dark-haired woman, staring at her phone.
“Do you…know her?” Lenna asked.
“She’s just this woman from my office building, I think,” Rhiannon said. “Josie? No—Gillian. I see her around a lot.”
“Do you want to say hi?”
Rhiannon swung the strap of her purse over her shoulder. Her movements were slow, maybe tipsy. Lenna felt tipsy, too. “Not really,” she said.“But.”She turned to Lenna, placing her hand on her arm. “You and I should totally do this again.”
Instagram post from @GillianAnxietyBabe
May 2
[Image description: A young woman with wavy brown hair sits cross-legged on the floor. She holds a white piece of paper up against her chest. The paper has the words “baby steps” written in all caps.]
Hiiiiii fellow Nervous Nellies of the world! Sorry I haven’t been around! I’ve MISSED you!
