AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I know I’ve harped on this before, but seriously: How do normal people DO it? I know “normal” is a useless word, because who’s even normal, anyway? But you all get what I mean. How do normal people just go out in the world and…deal?
I’m preaching to the choir, amiright? #SocialAnxietyStrong! #IntrovertsForTheWin. For us, everything in that department is a struggle—even talking to a barista to order my morning coffee. (Thank God you pre-order on the app.) It still amazes me S wanted to be friends. (But RIP S and me these days. Sob!)
Still, I’m trying. Like my therapist says, I’m doing my homework. I’m trying to EXPOSE myself to uncomfortable situations. I’m trying to VISUALIZE the person I want to be—and sometimes, that means faking it until I make it.
Speaking of which, there’s this person I want to know better. You know when you see someone and you’re like, I bet we’d click? I see this woman, R, around a lot. I love her style: stacked boots, colorful skirts, a really good tattoo game. I really, REALLY want to be normal enough (there’s that word again!) to speak to her, just a simple hello. But you know how it goes. When I get near her, it’s like I’ve been hit with a freeze ray. I keep telling myself that if she actually got to know me, she’d like me. (Positive thinking!) All I have to do is take that first step.
But THEN (sorry! I’m rambling!), I was at this bar yesterday, and I saw her again. Completely by accident! Like a sign. I said to myself, G, this is your moment. You’re going to talk to her. Only, she was with this other woman. They were sitting at the bar, talking. Laughing. I was so jealous. It reminded me of me and S, back in the day.
I moved a little closer to the two of them. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but I had a better view of them together. R was letting the other woman talk, which made me think she’s a great listener. The other woman was tall, and kind of unsure. She also seemed to have no idea she was very pretty. I liked her laugh—she tipped her head back but then, after, she’d clap her hand over her mouth like she’d just done something embarrassing. I wanted to tell her that she looked great laughing. That big laughs are welcome in my world.The more I watched, the more I realized they’d just met…and they were forming a friendship, not building on one that already existed. It felt like my chance. Why make one friend if you could make two? But as usual, there were heavy blocks in my feet, and my mouth felt sealed with hot glue. I stayed where I was.
So I guess that’s why I’m checking in. I’m hoping for some support. Some wise words. Keep me accountable, will ya? Love you guys. Don’t know what I’d do without you.
TOP COMMENTS:
@anxiouskitten23:We’ll keep each other accountable! Rooting you on, babe!
@RTGz69:All my support, honey! How’s the new job, by the way?
@mimi_has_troubleZ:Do it, G. Seriously. They need you as a friend. You’re a GEM.
@lonely_girlRZ4540:Hi. Love this account sm.
3
Lenna
October
Present day
Rhiannon eyes Lenna’s pile of luggage, stuffed into the cab’s cargo area, and smiles. “I told younotto bring your whole house.”
She helps Lenna to heft one of the monster-sized suitcases into the Suburban, which is cluttered with gardening tools and dirt. The stench of rotting vegetables hits Lenna hard. She tries not to gag while placing the car seat base in the back, which is also dirty. She gingerly snaps Jacob, who is still conked out, into the base, praying he doesn’t wake. Next to him, a little boy with auburn hair and green eyes lounges in a front-facing car seat. He looks at Lenna solemnly, his familiarly shaped eyes inquisitive, his mouth clamped closed.
Lenna grins. “Is this your son?” she says in a near whisper.
“Yep,” Rhiannon says softly back. “Say hi, Teddy!Quietly.” She gestures delicately to the sleeping baby.
Teddy blinks. Lenna looks from Teddy to Rhiannon, astonished. So it’s true, then. Rhiannon really has a child. There was asmall corner of her mind that had wondered if Rhiannon was playing a very strange trick on her.
“He’s beautiful,” she breathes.
“Aw, I like him, too.” Rhiannon beams. “Ready to go?”
Rhiannon pulls out of the abandoned gas station and drives back into the desert, on something that’s barely a road and more of a sandy path. She steers easily, with one hand. Only a quarter mile in, it’s like the desert has swallowed them up—when Lenna turns back, she doesn’t see the highway anymore. It makes her shudder, just a little.
“How far into the desert is this place?” she asks.
“Four, five miles?”
“Do people ever walk out to the main road?”
“Oh God, no.” Rhiannon shakes her head. “That would be unwise.”
“…Why?”
Rhiannon shrugs. “It’s the desert.” As if this is the only answer that matters.
