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The world will be better without me in it.
Tears flow down my face, blurring my vision. Even Killian only cares about my body. I thought we had something different, thoughthewas different, but I was wrong.
Just do it already. No one will miss you.
I know there’s a reason why I shouldn’t believe the thoughts. I know that somewhere there’s some part of me begging me not to listen, but I’m just so tired.
So tired of fighting.
So tired of trying.
I’m so tired of everything.
Maybe I’ll finally have some peace, some rest.
Twisting the cap, I tip my head back and pour the small pills into my mouth, washing them down with the glass of water sitting on the nightstand beside me.
Tucking the empty bottle under my pillow, I curl up on my side and drift off to sleep.
A soft noise pulls me from the traumatic memories.
Looking over at Killian, I don’t know how to feel. I’m positive he’s the reason I’m still here but why? Why would he care enough to save me again? He made it perfectly clear who I am to him,whatI am.
Shifting in his sleep, he snores softly, head hung forward. His large frame looks awkward in the small hospital chair. My heart skips as I fight against the old feelings trying to worm their way back.
No. I’m not going through this again.
The door slides open and a short pudgy woman walks into the room. “Ah Miss Marcia, you’re awake.” Her tone is gruff but a small smile lifts the corners of her lips.
I offer her a shaky smile in return. “Yup. Surprise.” I lift my arms and wave them, earning myself a scowl from the nurse.
Huffing, she waddles to the bed, checking the monitors lining the wall behind me. “Your vitals all look good.” She states, clearly unimpressed by my humor. “I’ll go get the doctor for you.” Without another word, she exits the room, yanking the privacy curtain shut behind her.
“That went well.” I mutter to myself, picking at the scratchy blanket.
A loud snort sounds, pulling my attention back to the man next to me. Jerking awake, Killian shoots up, blinking rapidly and swinging his head. His glazed eyes land on my face. A few more blinks and the haze clears, the harsh lights enhancing the iridescent shine of his eyes.
He lets out a heavy breath as if he’d been holding it in, even in his sleep. “Avamarie.” Killian murmurs, pushing out of the chair. I flinch back when he takes a small step toward me, causing a pained look to cross his face.
Lifting his hands in surrender, he remains in place as he speaks. “Baby girl. I’m-” His voice hitches, coming out strained when he continues. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t…I didn’t know. Ishould have known.” He takes another step forward, dropping his arms and rubbing a fist over his chest. “I should never have done that to you. I should…Iwillbe better.”
My eyes widen. I can’t move, trapped in the presence of the man before me, the Killian I had come to know.
MyKillian.
He’s not yours.
That same voice works its way through the haze, stabbing my heart with the sharp truth.
Killian takes another step, now flush with the bed. Reaching out a hand, he gently brushes my hair behind my ear. “I thought I lost you, firecracker.” He murmurs, peering down at me with a broken expression. My eyes water at the pain in his voice.
Maybe he does care?
No. You know he doesn’t. No one does.
I close my eyes. I can’t tell what’s real anymore, can’t differentiate between the truth and the lies.
Fingers nudge my chin up. I try to keep my eyes shut, try to hide within myself, but the soft strokes along my jaw wear me down. Blinking my eyes open, my vision focuses on my obsession, on the man I thought I was beginning to love. A tear rolls down my cheek at the reminder.
