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“I don’t think that’sallit is.”
“I swear the only reason I’m doing this is that I’m invested now.” I can’t look my friend in the eye. I’ve never been good at lying to the people I love. Heck, I’m not good at lying to anyone other than myself, and lately I’m even failing at that.
“Will it make any difference if I were to share my wisdom?” My heart thunders as I look at Aimee, who’s grinning broadly as she asks.
“Not at all,” I say. But my throat tightens as I wait for Aimee to continue speaking. I can’t prod her because I don’t want her to know I really want to hear what she has to say.
“I don’t think he’s ever forgotten you,” Aimee finally says.
“Don’t go there, Aimee.” The tightness in my throat is worse now.
“I know that summer was supposed to be a carefree one, where you forgot all about him the moment it was over, but the two of you connected, and I don’t think that connection has ever broken. You fell in love with him — and though it seems impossible, he was just as in love with you. He never forgot about you. Once when he actually came around, I saw him looking out at places the two of you shared: a fire on the beach or a swim in the ocean, and there was a lost look in his eyes. Don’t you think that’s worth exploring?”
“It’s not a risk I’m willing to take,” I tell her. I’m now twisting my fingers on the hem of my shirt.
“Why?” Aimee asks as she saves the same picture from being knocked over. “I know Blaze can be a pain in the ass, and he hasn’t had the smallest inkling of settling down in the past ten years. But he’s also a wonderful man who donates to abused kids and schools, and who came over here and held my daughter like she was the most precious little thing on the planet. There’s a lot of good in him — enough for risking your heart.”
I’m on the verge of tears. I have to push them away quickly. This is a road I swore I wouldn’t go down. “I love that you like him, and I’m glad you’ve been there for each other. But I can’t do it. I can’t give up all I’ve achieved and risk it for a relationship that is never meant to last.”
Aimee gives me a measured look before she lets out a long-suffering sigh. She checks on her daughter again and smiles.
“Why didn’t you tell me you guys talk?” I ask.
She smiles. “I knew how much it hurt you when he left. It’s not like I talk to him all of the time, but something in me always knew the two of you would eventually end up together, and so I wanted to keep in contact with him.”
I let out a sigh. “I’m glad I didn’t know. It was better to think I’d never see him again.” I hate admitting this. She pats my arm. I can’t lie to this woman. “Can we please talk about anything other than him?” She knows how far she can push, and I’m at my limit.
“Okay, I’ll lay off. Tell me what you’ve been up to lately.”
“Teaching. Nonstop teaching. Don’t get me wrong, I love what I do, but sometimes...” It doesn’t sound like I love it so much. It’s also difficult for me to switch topics so quickly. My mind’s still on Blaze, dang it.
“Well, I think you’re so lost because you sped things up so quickly. You moved through college so much faster than most people.”
“Yeah, I shaved off three full years by the time I was done with my doctorate. Two years were completed in high school, and I took extra courses in my undergrad and graduate programs. I spent all of my time studying and working for what I wanted for as long as I can remember. I shouldn’t have time to dwell on things in the past.”
My life truly is boring, I realize as I rise and pace the large room. I had one summer of freedom and then I’ve been locked in school ever since. I don’t go out, don’t laugh, don’tlivelife. I’ve lived more in the last couple of weeks than I have in the past ten years. Something’s truly wrong with this.
“There’s nothing wrong with having the best of both worlds,” Aimee points out. “You can do your jobandgive yourself time to enjoy life.”
“I love my job though, so isn’t that enjoying life?” Why am I defending my life so much when in my own head I knowsomething’s off? Maybe if I accept that I’m not as happy as I tell my friend I am, I’ll fall until I hit rock bottom with a painful thud.
“I love you to the moon and back, but I’m worried you aren’t truly happy, Cori.” Aimee looks at me with knowing eyes.
Tears sting my eyes as I gaze at my friend. I blink them away. My happiness isn’t something I think about. This is all because of Blaze. I hate how having him back is messing with my head. I can’t say I’m truly happy.
“I love my job.”
“That’s evasive,” Aimee points out.
“As you well know, life isn’t always black and white. There are many colors to each and every day. I’m notunhappy.”
“I think you should take a chance with Blaze.” And we’re immediately back on the man I don’t want to think about.
“I think that would be foolish.”
“Don’t give up on him.”
“You really don’t want to give this up do you?”
