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“I think the two of you were meant to be together. Now you’re here with all of this unfinished business. I hope it lasts,” Aimee admits.
“We grew up and went down different paths.”
“No, not necessarily. I still believe in magic, and so do you. Just look at the game you’re playing. It has everything to do with magic. You have to find it within yourself, and you have to chip away at that wall you’ve built.”
“We can’t make it, Aimee. I’m a professor, and he can’t last for more than a few weeks in any one location. If I open my heart to this man, it will get shattered again.” Before Aimee can reply, Sandy stumbles and falls, letting out a scream. Aimee jumps up and grabs her little girl, who clings to her.
“She didn’t really get hurt. It’s past her naptime,” Aimee assures me.
“Well then, go and lay her down and I’ll make coffee.”
Aimee and Sandy leave and I head into the kitchen I’ve been in a hundred times before. I make coffee and it’s finishing when my bestie comes back out.
“She was exhausted. That didn’t take long.” She sighs and picks up her cup, the coffee prepared just the way she loves it.
“No more Blaze talk. I need best friend time.”
She chuckles. “Deal. But we will continue circling around to this.”
“There’s no doubt in my mind about it,” I say with a laugh.
We then sit back and visit for a couple of hours and Aimee tells me her plans for the restaurant. My bestie has always been much more carefree than I am. I’d be jealous of her if I didn’t love her so dang much. I’m a big girl though, and I have to take responsibility for the choices I make in life.
It’s late when I leave. I say goodbye and slip out her door. As I walk away, one more brick on the wall around my heart is loosened. My fear is the whole dang wall is going to come crumbling down if I keep scratching against it. I don’t know where this will leave me. I fear it will be beneath the rubble.
Chapter Twenty
Courtney
The sun’s beginning to set as I walk the beach where I spent so much time with Blaze. My visit with Aimee left me with more questions than answers, and I’m unsure how I feel about the turbulence of my life. Have I made a mistake coming back to the only place I ever felt true freedom? More and more each day I think I have.
If I don’t think about what I’m missing, I won’t dwell on it. But being back in Blaze’s world makes the small hole in my heart grow a little bigger each day. I’m immersed back into a world I willingly left behind. It’s making me question ever decision I’ve ever made, and this is a dangerous path for me to take. It might make me blow it all down.
Since Blaze walked back into my life I haven’t gone a single day without thoughts of him. Through the years I often dreamed about him, but I lived my life, went days, maybe even weeks, without a thought of him. That’s over. Now, I’m lucky to go a single hour without wanting to close my eyes and get lost in his gaze.
The sea churns next to me, promising a storm. I never feared bad weather. Living in Washington state, I embrace it. Therearen’t full seasons where I live, so when a good storm appears, I rejoice unlike many who run for cover.
Just one more thing that proves that I don’t fit in with the rest of my peers, with my community. I know something’s wrong, know I need to get it all figured out, but I’m also not sure how to do it without uprooting my entire life.
Kicking a large seashell out of my way, I head back toward the parking lot. That’s when I spot Blaze. He’s about a hundred yards away, standing still in a world of his own as he gazes at me.
My heart thunders as I tell myself to stop, or to change directions. I do neither. If anything, my pace picks up a bit as I close the distance between the two of us. There’s a new look in the man’s eyes I can’t quite interpret. I’m not sure what it means, but know I’m tired of fighting how I feel, of fighting the desire that simmers through my veins.
My loose clothing whips around my body as I near Blaze. I don’t care. The clothes can fly away and leave me as bare to him as my soul seems to be. I only stop when I’m a foot away from him. We both stare without saying a word, though communication isn’t a problem. It’s all being said through our eyes.
“I remember how you’d always run to this particular shore when storm clouds began forming, while everyone else would head for the hills.” His voice is husky and controlled. My breathing becomes shallower.
“Yes, a big one’s coming.” I want to kick myself. What a foolish thing to say. There’s so much I want to put into words, so much I want to do, but I won’t allow my tenuous control to be broken. I’m afraid of what will happen if I do.
“I think it’s because you hold yourself so tightly, keeping every aspect of your life in a neat little box, and never letting go. So when you gaze out at a storm, you see yourself in it, in the darkening skies, in the raging water, even in the lightningslashing down from the heavens. You want to let go of it all, but you can’t. So you watch it happen from afar. When the storm hits, you can be a part of it.” The more Blaze speaks, the more my breathing shallows. He’s so right.
“You don’t know me as well as you think you do, Blaze.” The look he gives tells me without words that he knows I’m lying. The shrug of my shoulders tells him I don’t care. Let me live in my delusions.
“Why do you care what I think?” I shouldn’t care. But I do. He’s the one person who truly sees me let go of it all. When I was in his arms, there were no walls up, no rules, no obligations. With him, I’m free.
“Idon’tcare.” Tears sting my eyes.
“Why don’t you say what you want?” he demands, some of his cool posture disappearing as he reaches for me, grabbing me by the arm and pulling me close to him, our bodies brushing.
