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“It’s just desire, Blaze. It means nothing. The need can be met by anyone.” He doesn’t know me, doesn’t understand me. Even ten years ago he never understood who I was. Nothing has changed in our time apart. We can sate each other’s needs, but I’ll be more broken and empty after. It isn’t worth it.
“I’m leaving.” I turn and take several steps before his words follow me. I don’t stop as he speaks.
“Thiswillhappen again, Cori. You can’t fight it any more than I can. I’ll wait. We’ll finish what always was inevitable between us. You can’t resist it any more than I can.”
The rain pours down, the sea churns, and the skies flash. I keep walking. I know he’s right — and it’s what frightens me the most. I’m losing control with each passing day. And sadly, I want to. I need to snap. I’m holding on by a thread, and that thread is about to break. Blaze. It’s always been Blaze — and it always will be.
Chapter Twenty-One
Blaze
I managed to let Cori get away from me... again, and I succeeded in staying away from her for a full week. I paused on our treasure hunting. I’m back home for the longest stretch since the summer I spent with Cori. Everything within me demands I run away, give up this idea of finding some treasure a stranger possibly collaborating with Gramps felt I needed to find.
But instead of running away I pull up to the campus where Cori works, walking to the building where I know she’s giving a lecture, and slipping inside the building to hide in the back of the classroom as I gaze at the woman who takes my breath away.
Cori’s standing in the front of the classroom, a smile on her face as she speaks at the podium. I look around the room and notice bored expressions on many of the students’ faces. How can they be bored with her up there? One guy is completely focused on her before he turns to the guy next to him and makes a comment. His friend makes a rude gesture, and I’m certain what they’re talking about. Rage filters through me. I suddenly want to pound these punks into the floor.
Someone makes a comment that stops Cori’s lecture, and she looks up, clear irritation in her eyes. I smile as I sit back. Shemight appear young and tiny, but she’s a force to be reckoned with. She doesn’t need my protection, even if I want to give it to her.
“I know many of you would rather be anywhere but a history class with the holidays quickly approaching, but those not interested in how this country came to be should be ashamed of themselves. History is vital to who we are, and I’m attempting to make it as fascinating to all of you as it is to me. That being said, just rememberyou’repaying good money to be here so please keep your negative comments to yourself,” Cori says in the most beautiful professor voice I’ve ever heard. Hell, if she’d been my teacher in college, I would’ve enjoyed it a whole lot more than I did.
I reluctantly have to admit I wasn’t much of a history buff myself. I enjoy a good movie on epic battles likeBraveheart, but I rarely pop open a non-fiction book. I’d rather live in the moment and see current events. But she has a point. Current events wouldn’t be what they are without the history that preceded them.
As Cori continues speaking, I’m riveted to my seat. I slouch down, not yet ready for her to know I’m here. I want this unguarded look at the woman I can’t get out of my head. She’s beautiful and talented and so damn smart. The only flaw I see with her is that she fights her feelings for me. How frustrating that is. We fit together unlike any woman I’ve ever been with and she knows it. I understand her fear, but the desire should far outweigh any consequences she might come up with.
“We can now continue discussing the Civil War, which still has such a hold on us as Americans that mock-battles are played out even today. Why do you think it’s such a fascinating piece of our history?”
Living out west, this isn’t something I really think much about, but it does make sense. Every once in a while, I see aConfederate flag fluttering in the wind on the back of a truck, or hear heated debates over who was right or wrong, or for that matter, what caused it to happen in the first place. It isn’t something I ever put much thought into, but at the same time, would America be where it is today had the Civil War never happened?
I wonder how different the present would be if no battles had been fought, if Americans hadn’t believed so hard on both sides. I’m not saying war is good, I’m just saying I can understand fighting for what a person believes in. I especially understand when a person is fighting for another over fighting for themselves.
I sit here for an hour, listening to the smooth tone of Cori’s voice, the questions people ask, and noting the way she thinks for a moment before answering. She doesn’t just spout off words to appease her class. She excited with the participation, and involved with the students who actively contribute. It gives me another glimpse into who she is — and into who I am when I’m around her.
When she ends the lecture, most students grab their books and run for the doors. A few descend the stadium staircase, and she easily and readily answers their questions. I don’t move from my seat. The last of her students ascend the stairs, a couple looking at me in question, but they pass by without a word. I’m a little disappointed in this. What if I’m some thug about to attack her, which isn’t too far off? Shouldn’t they be ready to defend her? Nope. Not one stays behind as a strange man sits in the seats in their classroom. This is something that’s wrong in our society today. Too many are willing to turn the other cheek, figuring if it’s not happening to them, it doesn’t matter.
As much as it disappoints me, I’m also grateful. I want her all to myself right now. I have many plans of violating her... withher happy consent. She wants me as much as I want her. I just need her to let down her guard so I can make us both scream.
Cori begins gathering her books, and only then do I stand. I don’t make a sound, but suddenly she looks up and our eyes connect. I watch as she shudders and her face flushes.
This woman’s destroying me piece by piece, making it impossible for me to sleep, to leave, to do anything other than seek her out — even in her safety zone of a campus. The sound of her beautiful voice lingers in the recesses of my mind as I lie awake each night, thinking of her.
It’s only been a week since I last saw her and yet, it feels like a year. Maybe it’s because we have unfinished business. I’m confident I’ll be able to let this woman go. I’m just not sure when. The thought of never seeing her again is... painful.
Quickly gaining her composure, the look she sends me seems to say she doesn’t need me, nor want me here. She’s telling me I’m overstepping her boundaries. I don’t care. I’ve never been a rule follower. I go where my heart takes me and it doesn’t matter if anyone else has a problem with it.
“Let’s have dinner, Cori,” I say as I walk down the steps, drawing nearer to her. It’s insane how my body is seemingly pulled to this woman. Even if I wanted to leave, I don’t think I’d be able to. I refuse to analyze this line of thinking. I refuse to believe she has this much pull over me.
“No,” she tells me as I draw much closer than she’s obviously comfortable with.
“We’re partners. We have to talk.” There are many more things I want to say to her, but I hesitate. We didn’t end on the best note last week when she ran away from me on the beach after a scorching kiss. I want so much more.
“I don’t think this partnership’s going to work out.” She refuses to look at me. This irritates me more than anything else.If she’s going to dismiss me so easily, the least she can do is look me in the eyes.
“I’m not interested in a new partnership, Cori. I only want you.” My voice is purposely low and soothing. She seems like a cornered animal, and I don’t want to frighten her away.
“This is stupid, Blaze. We’ve tried doing this together. It hasn’t worked out. I’ve accepted it. Can’t you do the same?” Finally, she looks up and the emotion in her eyes tells me everything her words aren’t saying.
She’s fighting me, sure, but she’s fighting herself a hell of a lot more. Why? I don’t understand how so many people bottle up how they feel, and live a life they can’t stand. Life may seem endless, but I’ve watched in first person as timelines shorten drastically by a natural disaster or even worse, by another’s hands. To repress what you actually want is a crime in my mind. Believing in yourself enough to take what you want and deserve is a person’s right.
