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In normal circumstances, being attracted to the father of my baby is normal. Hell, it’s kinda necessary toward becoming pregnant, but these aren’t normal circumstances and an attraction after the fact can only create problems.
And I have enough of those.
“I’m uh,”
“Beautiful,” he compliments on an exhale. I blush, not only because I’ve never been called that but also the sincerity in it.
He means it.
It’s not lost on me that he’s paying attention to me, not my obvious belly. That alone puts me a little at ease. He sees me, the person. I’m more than merely a woman carrying his child. It’s almost as if, no. I’m just being fanciful. He doesn’t see me asthewoman.
“Zoe,” I finish and, not wanting to ignore his statement, I add, “and thank you.”
“You’re Walker.” He grins, not in the least embarrassed and corrects himself. “You’re welcome. I’m Walker.”
I laugh, finding him adorable.
Getting to his feet, he pulls the chair back from the table, silently indicating for me to sit. When I do, he slowly pushes it forward, leaving plenty of room between the edge of it and my belly, without being told to do so.
“Thank you again.
“Can I get you something? If you’ve already had the recommended cup of caffeine, they do have decaf. I asked.” I stare at him, amazed he’d do that for me, then realize that’s nothing compared to what he shares next. “I may have read a few books after MDH contacted me.”
“How many is a few?” I want to know, sensing by the expression on his face he’s downplaying it.
“Seven, I think.” He stops, counting on his fingers as he lists the titles of said books. I recognize a couple as I read them as well, but I’m unfamiliar with the majority of them.
“Walker,” his head shoots up at the sound of his name, his gaze instantly finding mine, and I falter for a second before continuing, “that’s a lot.”
“I want to be prepared,” he admits. “I’ve already missed so much.” He tacks on, “Too much,” but it’s so quiet I don’t believe I’m supposed to hear it.
As weird as this whole situation is, as worried as I am what his involvement in our lives could mean, my heart hurts for him. He’s right. He has missed so much and he can’t get it back.
However, I can take away some of that pain, and I want to. Desperately. Reaching in my purse, I’ve already mommed that out and have starting using a bigger style, I withdraw a long envelope. It’s full of everything pertaining to my jelly bean, as I’ve taken to referring to the baby.
“This is for you.” I set it in front of him, noticing how his hand trembles as he attempts to open it. When he does, the gives his entire focus to every piece of paper, every picture, I put in there. He’s only halfway through when I see tears spilling from him. Walker doesn’t acknowledge them, though he does make sure none land on the contents.
“Can I…?” He takes a deep breath, and tries again. “Can I make copies of these?”
“Those are copies. You can keep them.”
The smile he gives me makes me feel like I’ve given him something special. Knowing how important they are to me, I guess I did. Which is why, when he asks when my next appointment is, I don’t hesitate to respond and invite him to go with me. “I’d love to.”
His genuine happiness at being included, the reverence with which his fingertip is stroking over the image of our baby, has my eyes watering.
Ourchild will never experience what I did as a kid. They’ll know from the moment they enter this world that they are wanted. They are loved.
For just a second, I let myself pretend that extends to me.
Chapter Four
Walker
January 20th…
Me: Good morning, Zoe.
Fairy Tale: Meh.
