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“I know he would. Impossible man.”
But being “ready” might be a good trick. Even if I wanted to go on living without him—which I didn’t—I doubted it was possible. Grimora had explained that my condition would continue to worsen if Roxbury and I didn’t keep our connection. I suspected that meant I would go back to fading quietly away, like I’d been doing before I found Rox again. A large part of me didn’t mind that. In fact, it would be welcome, in a way.
Chandler, unaware of the grim thoughts in my head, was already standing close, but he came even closer and lifted his pretty face to mine. I stepped backward as subtly as I could, but his expression still crumpled. I didn’t mean to hurt him, but it was too soon and too hard to pretend. He gave me a little smile though, and we walked on again.
“I read a poem once that compared the stars to flowers and called them the ‘forget-me-nots of heaven.’ Isn’t that a lovely thought?”
It was, and I nodded. I knew he meant well and was trying to be comforting. But no number of pretty words could change the facts. Roxbury was no longer in this world, so, to me, the stars just looked cold and distant and lonely—not at all like flowers. Their light should be snuffed out, one by one, like the streetlamps in the capitol city each day at dawn. I had no need of the damn things anymore, nor did I want them if he wasn’t there beside me to look at them.
Chapter Fifteen
Roxbury
I was regaining my strength rapidly with the help of Grimora’s nursing skills and the healing potions he gave me. But I was anxious to get away and go after Brandon, and most days I spent pacing up and down outside the cave entrance, scanning the horizon for any sign of a ship that could take me to the nearest port. The only ones I saw, however, were far out to sea and I stood no chance of attracting their attention.
Grimora had left early that morning to go to the nearest market town to buy me some clothes. Nothing either he or Banshira owned would fit me, and I was currently wearing one of Grimora’s old robes and it barely came down to my knees. I had no idea how priests could wear these things day after day.
I had asked him to buy me some trousers to wear and promised I’d repay him. It was hard to believe I literally had nothing at all now. Everything I owned, even the clothes on my back, had been lost. My home was still standing in Gilead, of course, if I could get back to it before word got back that I was lost at sea. Once it did, the scavengers would descend. I had gold buried near my home where no one would find it, at least, so even if the bastards took all of my things, all I needed was to find a way home to retrieve my gold and I’d be flush again. But my number one priority was finding Brandon and reconnecting with him.
Grimora had informed me that he wasn’t worried about repayment. He still had all the gold I’d given him to heal Brandon, but it still surprised me when he showed up late that afternoon, not only loaded down with parcels wrapped in brown packages, but leading a handsome brown horse up the narrow, rocky path to the cave.
Banshira was the first to notice. I was in front of the fire, toasting some bread to eat for my supper when I heard him shouting something excitedly, so I rushed out to see what was happening. Grimora appeared at the top of the trail, leading the horse, and my mouth dropped open in surprise.
“What’s this? Where did you get him?”
“It’s a mare, not a him. Or so the farmer who sold her to me said. She’s about three years old, and I got her for you at the village. I assume you do know how to ride?”
“Yes, but it’s been years. I guess you never forget how, though.” I went over to the horse, which stood about sixteen hands high. In other words, she was a huge Shire horse, or a working horse for the local farmers in Igella. The farmers used them to plow the fields, but they also rode them if and when they needed to. She was beautiful, with the feathered lower legs of the breed. They, along with her long, full tail, were sort of off white.
“What’s her name?”
“The farmer called her Maggie, but I think you can name her what you like.”
“No, it’s a nice name, isn’t it, Maggie?” I went up to her and extended my hand to say hello. She gave me a friendly little nose bump, and I bumped her back gently with the back side of my hand. I rubbed her nose and motioned for Banshira to come over and greet my new horse, too. I cautioned him to approach her from the front, showing him how to offer his hand. He was shy at first, but finally I talked him into coming nearer. Maggie rolled her expressive, dark eyes at first, but he had such a sweet, gentle manner with her that she soon settled down, and head bumped his hand. The radiant smile Banshira gave me in return was more than worth it.
“The farmer threw in an old saddle,” Grimora said. “It’s not worth much, but it will get you to the palace.”
“Is that where Brandon is?”
“Yes. The talk in the village is that the Regent is back home. He arrived yesterday afternoon with a group of guests.”
“I have to go there then right away.”
“I thought you might say that,” he said, smiling gently. “I wouldn’t leave until morning though. Give them a chance to settle in. Besides, it’s not safe to be on strange roads after dark.”
“All right. I’ll wait and leave first thing in the morning. Can you draw me a map?”
“Of course.”
I was so excited I hugged him, and he was smiling when I let him go, with a look of genuine and pleased surprise on his face.
The next morning, I rode out with the map in my pocket. Grimora had packed me some food and loaned me one of his furs, in case I had to sleep outside tonight. I had no idea of what kind of welcome I’d have at the castle, and I was thinking I shouldn’t just ride in the castle gate and boldly announce myself. I thought that would probably be a terrible idea.
For one thing, in Lex’s eyes, and that of everyone else there except for Brandon, I was still a pirate and a criminal. Maybe it was a good idea for Captain Jack Devane to just stay dead this time, but I could decide about all that later.
All I really wanted was Brandon, and once I had him, I planned to leave quickly and somehow book passage for us to Gilead, so I could retrieve my gold and my other possessions. We might even decide to live there, but it was a decision I’d talk over with Brandon. From now on, he had to be part of every decision I made.
I rode all day, stopping at lunch time for one of the sandwiches Grimora had packed for me. I got lost a time of two, because I could barely read Grimora’s bad handwriting, but I finally drew close to the king regent’s castle in late afternoon.
