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“Yes, you were completely out of it and no one around us seemed to understand what was happening but me. Finally, after I breathed for you for a while, afraid it was hopeless and feeling more and more desperate, someone noticed us and the doctors arrived, pushing me aside and taking over with their machines. It was tense and frightening. It took me a long time to get over it.”
What I didn’t tell the prince was that my lips had tingled afterward for days where he’d pressed his mouth to mine, and where I had covered his lips with my own. I had an odd, yearning feeling in the pit of my stomach. It took a while for me to realize what had happened, though. Actually, that’s a lie, because I never completely understood how my mild fascination for the beautiful boy had caused me to somehow accidentally bond with him when he was so desperately hurt and in danger.
He had kissed me—with an open mouth—but how could it have happened then? Perhaps it happened when I gave him those rescue breaths? Such a thing is a messy affair, and I didn’t use any kind of apparatus, because I didn’t have one. Maybe it was some combination of the two? Both our mouths had been open, and we were sharing breath and no doubt saliva too. It had been a desperate, impossible situation and an even worse one had developed from it. An intolerable one and ultimately, I had no answers.
He was sitting there staring at me, his eyes dreamy and soft. I wondered what he must be thinking.
“Tygerian biology is complicated, to say the least. You know that. Bonding can be almost immediate though, and somehow this-this crazy situation happened. In the end, it didn’t matter why or how, really. What I did was unthinkable—I’d somehow bonded with the youngest son of the king, without his permission and without his knowledge.”
“But it wasn’t your fault,” he said softly.
“It still happened. I didn’t know what to do. I left as fast as I could, telling my commander I had an emergency at home. As soon as possible, I booked a flight to Precept 3, where I confessed everything to Ludolf. He was my dearest friend and vowed to help me. We got engaged right away. It took a while, but we eventually married, and we both tried everything we could think of to put the incident behind us. We never spoke of it ever again. Time passed, and it got a little better. Ludolf bonded with me, and I tried to bond with him. I really tried, but it didn’t work.”
“You must have suffered, though. I heard that being away from someone you’ve bonded with can be painful.”
“I found that time and the vast distance between us helped. I was able to function, at least, and I tried very hard to make Ludolf happy. I think he was, and I threw myself into my job. We were both working hard, and we were content. Then just two cycles after we married, Ludolf was killed in a skirmish with rebels from one of the moons of Precept 3. He died heroically, and I grieved for him and missed him every single day. I still do.”
“And what do you feel for me?” Rakkur asked.
I refused to look at him and turned away, but he was relentless.
“I need to know, Colonel. What are your feelings for me?”
“The same as they were on the day we bonded!” I shouted at him, jumping to my feet and beginning to pace up and down the small room. “I’m drawn to you and want to be with you all the time. Is that what you want to hear? You asked why I held your hand—it’s because I feel I have to touch you when you’re near me. I’ve tried to fight it and it’s no use. I thought enough time had passed that I could do this. I could be around you and leave you alone, but it’s not possible. I’ve tried to steel myself against you, but I-I can’t. It’s a dereliction of my duty, and that’s why I have to find someone else to guard you until we get to Loros. I can’t continue to betray the king’s trust. Once we arrive, I can get as much distance as I can between us. It’s the only thing that might work. I can’t see you again, Your Highness, and it’s as simple as that.”
I turned to go, but again, Rakkur ran over and put himself in front of the door, glaring.
“Just like that, huh? And what about me? Don’t I get a say in any of this?”
I steeled myself to touch him and took hold of his shoulders to gently move him to one side, so I could walk out the door. I’d taken only a couple of steps into the corridor when he shouted behind me.
“You selfish bastard!”
****
Rakkur
Tariq came surging back toward me. “Keep your voice down. Why are you shouting at me? What’s wrong with you?”
“What’s wrong with me? I could ask you the same question. How is any of this fair to me?
I told you I felt the same way as you do, and you still just waltzed away.”
“Waltz? What is this waltz? I told you I had to leave, and I can’t keep on seeing you like this. Why do you act like this is such a mystery? I’ve explained.”
“The only mystery is why I’m even speaking to you at all. You-you selfish bastard.”
“Why are you calling me that name again? I told you why I had to leave. How does this make me selfish?”
“Well, what am I supposed to do? You’re my mate and you never want to see me again.”
“Your Highness…I’m not your mate. Not really. There was a terrible mistake made years ago when you were little more than a child, and I accidentally bonded with you. I did the best I could to stop it. I even went to a doctor and told him a little about it, leaving out names, of course. I begged him to give me some medicine to end it.”
“Oh yeah? And what did he say?”
“He said there was nothing he could do. Your Highness, the only thing I’ve found that helps is if I stay far away from you.”
“Oh, drop the ‘highness’ stuff. You’ve seen me naked, and I’ve had my finger in your ass. I think it’s a little late for all that.”
