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Just as quickly, he bullies me into riding his motorcycle. Maybe “bully” isn’t the right word. Yet, that’s how it feels.
I clearly don’t want to do it. Unable to say the words, I’m afraid to anger him. I feel like we’re inching toward our end. I only agree as a way to keep him with me for a little longer.
Climbing on behind him, I soak in how powerful Walla Walla feels against me. His muscled body easily controls the motorcycle as we ride the highway before exiting to the winding country roads.
Though I never fear he’ll lose control, I am afraid I’ll tilt the wrong way and topple off. Or I stress I’ll hold on to him too tightly and cause us to crash.
My mind flashes with a lifetime of mistakes. I feel like a failure. If I were smarter, what would my life be like now? Walla Walla might have already been mine. We could have a family now. Or I’d already know how we didn’t mesh. My life would already have clarity if I hadn’t stalled out years ago.
By the time we pull down a tree-lined road leading to the Pigsty, I’m depressed. I want to be with Walla Walla. I like seeing him up close. He is so confident about himself. No one can make him second-guess his choices. Even when my mom was interrogating him, he never allowed her judgment to cause him to stumble.
Though I want to be as carefree, I get bogged down on saying the right thing until I normally end up saying the most meaningless things possible.
Trapped in my head as I work through old regrets, I climb off his motorcycle after he parks next to a line of them. Walla Walla throws his leg over the machine and runs his hands through his wild, blond hair. He looks so relaxed as he lifts the helmet off my head. I don’t know what he sees on my face, but he fixes my messy hair and rests his hands on my shoulders.
“I’m looking to get elbow action today,” Walla Walla says before kissing me.
His patience quiets the nagging voice in my head. I wrap my arms around his neck and deepen the kiss. Walla Walla struggles to keep his hands in safe places. I can almost feel him wanting to plant them on my butt.
Coco’s exit from the SUV forces us apart. I smile at Walla Walla and try to focus on him rather than how close Canary Basin is to our current location. I’m painfully aware of my family’s presence. Urick’s voice joins the nagging one. I hear him complaining about my mom. He viewed her as too stubborn and greedy. Urick claimed one if his biggest fears was me turning out like her. That’s why I always assumed he blamed me for what happened with his ranch hands.
“My father twisted up my feelings,” I blurt out. “I loved him and wanted to please him, but he didn’t want me to be like my mom.”
“Yet, he married her,” Coco says, sounding irritated. “She was plenty good enough in the beginning. After she dumped his ass, he suddenly didn’t approve of her.”
“The reason he didn’t want you to be like Suzanne was he figured you’d leave him, too,” Walla Walla adds, and Coco smiles at how he agrees with her.
“Maybe he wanted me to leave him,” I mumble as my anxiety amps up about entering the Pigsty. “That’s why he reacted the way he did. Deep down inside, he wanted me to walk away.”
“People don’t always know why they do what they do,” Walla Walla explains and takes my hand. He begins moving us away from the Pigsty’s gravel lot to the grassy lawn. “Look at how Coco and Goose are super horny for each other, yet they keep butting heads. I’ve never seen my friend behave that way. It’s bizarre.”
“Yes, Goose is weird,” Coco announces as she walks next to me. “She’s a good kisser, though.”
“Yeah, she is,” Walla Walla says. “But I’m better.”
I frown at his words until I realize he’s warning how another kiss is coming my direction. I focus on how heavy and possessive his hands feel on my shoulders as our lips meet. When I’m linked to his body, the world becomes less chaotic.
“Are you nervous about coming inside?” Walla Walla asks after Coco walks across the wide porch and disappears through the double doors. “Is that why we’re stuck right here?”
“I haven’t had to push myself in a long time. I want to hide for a while, but I have no safe space here.”
Walla Walla pulls out his phone, texting while he explains, “You’ll have your own room. I’ll get your stuff moved in and leave you alone for a few hours.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You came with me,” Walla Walla says, shoving his phone in his back pocket and giving me a cocky grin. “If you insisted on staying in Banta City, I would have been forced to make a tough decision. Instead, you were willing to make my life easier.”
I hadn’t really considered how my choices helped Walla Walla. When life is going well, I don’t get so negative. However, the last few days set off all my worst habits.
“This is my home,” he says, inching us closer to the front doors. “It’s really relaxing here. The people inside are my friends. No one is a threat to you here.”
“I’m a Halvorson,” I reply and refuse to budge. “I’m your club’s enemy.”
“You’re Austen,” he explains and walks behind me before resting his hands on my shoulders and gently pushing me to get moving. “You’re my girlfriend. We’re going to have a nice, quiet meal tonight, just you and me. A real date with no interrupting assholes or well-meaning moms.”
I glance back at him as he reaches around me to open the door. Walla Walla’s scent intoxicates me. I lean my back against his chest and try to steady my racing heart. Walla Walla brushes my hair away from my throat and kisses just below my ear.
“I’m not afraid,” I whisper as his lips find mine.
