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“I’m not doing well. I can’t seem to get out of my head. What will happen to my clinic?”

“We’ll rebuild and hire a vet to continue your work. There’ll be two Pudding Paws.”

Exhaling softly, I instantly feel stronger. My mom’s confidence cuts through the depressive malaise dragging me down.

“Where are you right now?”

“In a bedroom at the Pigsty?”

“Is it terrible?” Suzanne asks, so I send a video of the room. “I’m less worried now. Where are Coco and Walla Walla?”

“I don’t know. I just woke up from a nap.”

“Have you been crying a lot today?”

“Yes.”

“How has Walla Walla handled that?”

“He hugged me.”

“How did that feel?”

“Really good. I didn’t push him away. It’s different when he touches me.”

“Austen, I want you to listen to me, okay?”

“I am.”

“I know, but you’re also listening to all the negativity in your head.”

Sighing, I tear up because I know I’d be happier if I was back home. Except I can’t have Walla Walla there.

“Walla Walla could love you, and I want so much for you to feel that.” Hearing me crying, Suzanne hesitates before explaining, “But you need to stop pushing yourself for a few days. Don’t go anywhere. Stay in your room if you need to. Make Walla Walla and Coco come to you if necessary. Just decompress.”

“I’m making a bad impression on everyone here.”

“No. That’s just bullshit in your head.”

Nodding, I wipe my damp face and breathe easier. “I don’t know why I’m so rattled.”

“Baby, you know exactly why you’re upset. You nearly died. That alone is a reason to be rattled. Just stay quiet for a few days and you’ll feel better.”

“I don’t think I’m strong enough for Walla Walla.”

“He doesn’t want a tough chick fighting at his side. He already has Goose. He wants the pretty, soft woman who offers him the magic he seeks. That can be you, but you’ll push him away if you can’t calm yourself.”

“I’m afraid to take more pills and be out of it.”

Suzanne doesn’t respond immediately. “These bikers probably have pot. Later, after you’ve eaten, try getting stoned.”

I laugh at her words before realizing she’s serious. “Is that safe?”

“I don’t know. But you’re away from me, and I don’t want you drugging yourself with those tranquilizers. Maybe pot will help.”

“I’ll ask him once I get up.”

“Text him to come to you. Don’t face anything alone.”

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