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I all but ran into the bathroom, glancing back over my shoulder to make sure she hadn’t made a mad dash for the exit.
Sliding open the drawer where I kept them, I grabbed a condom package.
And then I stared at it.
There was a strange ringing in my ears all of a sudden…and my heart was pounding in my chest. The bathroom's light seemed to intensify whatever…insanity I was feeling.
What if…
Something took hold of me, the addiction that had been building inside me all night, unfurled, stretching its wings and transforming into…desperation.
Uncontrollable desperation.
She wanted to pretend this was a one night thing, but I knew better. And I knew she knew it on some instinctual level too. She wanted to run, because she was scared.
I couldn't let her run.
So this uncontrollable desperation inside me...turned into something else.
There was one way I could keep her.
Trap her so to speak…
I was having an out of body experience.
That was the only way to describe what was happening as I reached back into the drawer, and pulled out the sewing kit I kept in there. I pulled out one of the needles, watching as it glinted ominously under the unforgiving light.
No turning back now.
Carefully, almost mechanically, I began to puncture the condom package with the needle. One hole, then two, and soon a pattern of tiny punctures formed.
The voice of reason in my head screamed at me to stop, but the obsession, the overwhelming need to possess her, drowned out those voices.
I continued to poke holes, my heart pounding louder in my chest. Each puncture felt like a step further down a path I’d never envisioned…one I was never going to come back from.
Finally, I was done.
The condom package was riddled with holes that she wouldn’t notice, and I felt a strange mixture of triumph and guilt. My fingers trembled as I closed the sewing kit and tucked it back in the drawer.
Obviously it was still a million in one chance she’d get pregnant.
But if we were meant to be, which I knew we were…wouldn’t it be my lucky day.
With every step back to the bedroom, I felt more sure, like I was shedding the weight of trying to be the good guy all the time.
I’d be that good guy eventually. I’d make all her dreams—whatever they were—come true.
But in order to have the chance to be the good guy…I was going to have to be the villain first.
CHAPTER 5
OLIVIA
There was something different about him when he stepped out of the bathroom, something more intense…darker.
And the damaged parts of me made me even more interested in this new side of him.
Just for tonight. That’s what I’d said. But as I stared at his perfection, I was wishing it was possible to have more.
