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I shook my head and moved closer. “You can push everyone else away with the happy act, but not me. Might as well tell me what’s wrong since I’m not going back to my room until you do.”
She studied my face, then her shoulders dipped, and she sank onto the edge of her bed. “It’s not an act. Iamfine. Most days.”
“But not today.”
Eva took a shuddering breath and stared down at her hands. “Not today. Can we do this some other time?”
Her quiet request had the opposite effect. No way would I leave her to deal with whatever it was alone. I sat beside her, not quite touching, and reached for the hands she was tangling together.
“Talk to me.”
“Why do you think I’d trust you enough to talk about something serious?”
“Because you trusted me enough to let me get you off in a car in broad daylight outside your cheer practice.”
She scoffed. “Maybe that’s just a normal Tuesday for me and you were the lucky winner.”
“It’s not, but I’ll give you the lucky part. How about this… you already think we hate each other—whatever you tell me couldn’t make things worse. If I was going to spread your secrets, I already have plenty of fodder.”
Eva gave a half-assed tug on her hand, but I held tight. “I can’t like you. It messes with my world view.”
“You don’t have to like me to talk.”
She let out a quiet breath, and I knew I’d won. “Sixteen years ago today, my brother died saving my life.”
14
Gavin’s hand was warm in mine, and his weight on the mattress pulled me toward him. Or maybe it was him. I was sotiredof fighting. The small amount of effort I needed to keep myself upright and away from him seemed like too much.
If I let myself, I could simply give in. Tumble against his shoulder, into his lap—let him catch me when I couldn’t hold myself up. For a long second, I could imagine it. Tempting, but not worth the risk.
I tugged again, and he still wouldn’t let me go. Figured. I could control everyone except the one man I despised. His words circled in my mind.You already think we hate each other.Except I was fairly certain I didn’t hate him.
Danny—and okay, Gavin himself—had made me question my absolute conviction of Gavin’s role as villain. He goaded me, taunted me, challenged me, and in my weak moments like now, he refused to let me wallow on my own. I really should take Danny’s advice to ask him about Kayleigh, but I couldn’t handle another conversation where I needed to dig for the truth. Not today.
“I’m sorry,” Gavin murmured, but he made no move to leave.
I swallowed and adjusted my stupid dress again, trying to get the clingy material to cover more than the bare minimum. “I hate today. Every year, I consider locking my door and sleeping through it, but I can’t. Brendan would give me so much shit if I gave up like that.”
Gavin’s thumb stroked my wrist, sending goosebumps up my arm. “It’s not giving up to take time for yourself.”
Stephen had told me the same thing the one time we discussed it, but they didn’t understand. Today wasn’t about me. Today was one of the few days when I didn’t silence the memories. I hadn’t tried to explain it to Stephen, but Gavin sat next to me, patiently waiting while I sorted through my thoughts.
“No one warns you the world moves on. My friends move on. My parents move on. I’m the only one still here missing him.” A tear slipped out despite my best intentions, hitting my thigh with a warm splat.
“Tell me about him.”
“Why?” I sniffled, trying desperately to keep the rest of the tears at bay.
“So you won’t be the only one missing him today.”
I clenched my eyes closed, but it was too late. His sincere tone broke through the thin wall holding back the torrent. My chest constricted with the pressure of trying to keep myself together, and I shook with silent sobs.
Gavin shifted his grip from my hand to the back of my head, pulling me against him while I tried to suck in air. His arms came around me, and I clung to him, soaking his shirt while I bawled. At some point, he scooted us back on the bed to lean on the headboard with me in his lap.
“It’s okay. I’ve got you,” he whispered into my hair.
My dress hiked up, but I barely noticed. He was warm, so warm, and I hadn’t cried like this in years. I let go. I let all the shame and anger and sadness flow through me without trying to wrestle them into submission.
