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"Help me pick?" Maddie breaks the moment, and drags me away to to the rack of dolls. My attention is split between her, and the tableau of Gin and the duke.
"I must thank you," he murmurs to her, his voice just loud enough for me to catch it. I can barely breathe.
"What for, your grace, it's just good to see that Evangeline is fitting in well with your family-"Gina sounds faint, and strained, but is holding it together.
"She has brought a light to my daughter's eyes I have never seen before," his words hit my heart, and make it begin to glow with warmth. I sneak a look through a rack of teddy bears, and the two of them stand formally distanced, Gina looks calmer than before and more composed. And even… pleased.
"That is good to hear, so you are satisfied with her placement?"
"Almost," he says, a slight wry smile. "I'm sure as she gets further comfortable with us, her relationship will blossom." Those words drop into the waters of my heart like stones, rippling the surface. I am stock still, unable to move. There's double meanings in everything he says, and my face is heating up, as if I am sitting in front of the fire pit again and his fingers are moving over my skin. My eyes slide shut.
I can feel it now. His thumb dragging over my lip, down my chin, my neck. It'll catch in the hollow of my throat and he'll pause there, feeling for my heartbeat. My whole body wants to shiver. It's like I'm not even in my skin anymore, lifted up by the fantasy of him.
"I look forward to seeing her flower," he says, and I inhale sharply.
"Eva?" Maddie's voice breaks through the moment, sharp and worried. I glance down at her, flying back into my body with the speed of light. "What do you think?" She's holding up a doll, this one hand-sewn, sparkling fibers for hair, and two shiny shell buttons for eyes.
"I think it's lovely," I say, "look how she has the nicest ballerina skirt." I clear my throat, my head spinning and distant. I need to focus.
Gina is saying something to the duke, but I can't hear it. It's like my hearing is muffled, stuffed with cotton batting. Instead of focusing in on the two adults, I take Madeline by the hand gently.
"Let's get it for you," I say quietly, and lead her to the front, to the cashier. Even if I'm further away from the duke, I can feel his presence like a weight on my shoulders though, like he'swatching me and it pulls me down. I'm caught in his undertow. I know it.
And worse…
Gina knows it.
She catches me outside, in a half-second moment between when the duke calls Madeline back to look at something in the shop.
Gina's hand wraps around my wrist and my gaze meets her.
"What's going on, Eva, do you need me to get you out?"
I can't answer that, my mouth dry, and I swallow to try to call some moisture to it, so I can find the words and the energy to tell her. That there are deep plots entangling the King family, that threaten to choke them out like poisonous vines.
"It's just a bit complicated," I finally say, managing a smile. "But they're a good family." Lie. "And I'm comfortable with them." Lie. "And I'm keeping it professional, of course." The biggest lie.
She scans my face before giving me a brief, worried smile.
"Call me if you need anything. And—" She pauses, stepping away from me, her hand coming up in a soft wave of farewell. "It's good to see you."
I exhale as she goes, the door opening up, greeting me with the tinkling of a bell.
"Daddy got me another doll," Madeline exclaims, wrapping her arms around me from behind, and I exhale. I glance down at her. She's beaming, eyes flashing with joy. "Is it warm enough to go swimming now?" She asks, her voice bending to plaintive. I laugh, the shadows and cobwebs shaking from me.
"Yes. And I'll even come in with you this time," I promise her. The duke joins us, the footmen holding the door for him.
"I'll have the driver come, your grace," he says to Mason, who nods without much of a word. The duke stands beside me on the wooden boardwalk, the row of shops brightly colored and cheerful on an early sunny afternoon.
I'm looking away when I feel it.
The ghost of a touch up my back. Two fingers dragging along the linen of my dress, pressing the fabric into my spine. It's firmer now, distinct. I inhale as Madeline chatters away at her new dolls, hugging them close to her chest.
Don't look.
I close my eyes.
Don't… look.
