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I pull her into my arms, and we share a still silence before she speaks.
“You need to leave.” Her words come out like she doesn’t mean them, cutting me like glass even though I know she’s right.
I lift her chin to look at me. “I heard you’re getting married to Michael.”
She sniffs. “Yes, I am.” Regret lines her words.
“Is that what you want?” I question, my heart rate rushing.
She stills in my arms.
“Does he make you happy?” I can’t help how stern I sound.
“Yes,” she snaps, as though she’s annoyed that I asked. “He makes me happy, but… look please, I need you to go. And no more roses. You can’t leave those things on my doorstep anymore.” Jainey pushes me away from her.
But that’s what I do. “Why?” It’s a stupid fucking question. I know why; Jainey loves me, and although I love her, I’ve never given her enough of me.
“Because it’s not fair on Michael. He’s going to be there for me, for our family, Rocco. He deserves to not have to always wonder if and when you’re going to randomly show up again—”
“—family?” Jainey’s eyes widen and her face goes slack. “Jainey?”
“Rocco, I…”
“Jane, come in now,” her father shouts again.
Fuck. My fucking heart is skipping beats left, right and centre. Jainey’s pregnant? “Jainey,” I harshly whisper so that her father can’t hear me. My gruff voice forces her to look at me. “What do you mean, family?” I could cut the tension between us with my knife.
“I’m pregnant.”
It’s as if time freezes around me. I came here to say goodbye, to let Jainey finally go and live a life of happiness without me haphazardly dipping in and out of it. But hearing she’s having a baby makes a jealous heat wash over me. It should make my goodbye easier, but more than anything, I’m just fucking sad that she’s not having a baby with me.
“Rocco,” she says.
I lift my eyes to look at her. Everything I’ve ever wanted is looking back at me, telling me she needs me to leave. She’s marrying another man and having his baby. I have no right to feel the way I do. All I have ever done is steal moments of this woman’s love for me, then leave her for the life I chose.
Straightening my spine, I summon the guts I came here with and push down the unusual emotions I rarely feel. “I’m sorry. I’ll go.” Placing my hands either side of her face, I lift herchin to mine and kiss her soft lips. A fuzzy heat prickles every fibre of my body. I want to consume her, to lift her up and take her away. But my lifestyle, the club… it won’t allow it. Pulling my mouth away, I rest my forehead against hers.
I hear Jainey take in the biggest breath, and her soft lips part. “It’s yours,” she says.
My eyes pop open. I move my head back to look at her properly.
“Michael and I, we haven’t slept together yet. You’re the only person I’ve been with.”
Her words are coming at me thick and fast.
Fuck. That’s why she’s getting married. No doubt her father is making her settle down. Michael’s a nice guy; he’s stable, he’s got money... legal money, anyway. I could bet Jainey’s lied to make sure her father doesn’t hate her. Better to say it’s the nice guy’s baby, as opposed to the criminal’s.
“Say something,” she tells me.
My eyes flit between hers. “The reunion?”
She nods her head.
We slept together in the back of her car after everyone had left the school hall. Years of wanting each other but circumstances never permitting it, we stole the first opportunity we’d been given as soon as we could.
And it was fucking perfect. “Michael’s going to raise this baby as his,” she says, pulling me from my memory of that night. “I don’t want anything from you, Rocco. I know the life you live is dangerous. All I ask is that you let me go. Let me raise our baby in a safe home.”
I take a deep breath. A harsh ball burns in my throat, and my lungs fill with hot air. Looking at Jainey, I see she loves me. I can see how much it’s hurting her telling me this. As much as I want to scream that no fucker, however nice he may be, is raising my kid, I know what she’s asking and saying, is true.
