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I replied to them both with, "Thanks."
When I arrived at the hotel where Zander was staying, I started feeling uneasy. Doubts began forming in my head.
A tall, blonde receptionist greeted me and asked if she could help me. I shook my head and said, "Thank you. I already have my room key."
The truth was, I didn't wanther calling Zander's room because she would ask tons of questions and I just wanted to see him already.
The receptionist smiled at me and politely said, "Please letus know if you need anything."
I smiled at her and thought, "Yeah, I'd probably need a room ifZander boots me out of his."
I took the elevator to the 8th floor and walked to Room 822.
With each step, I imagined all thepossibilities that could happen, if Zander decided not to forgive me. What if he said we were truly over? What if he said he didn’t want the baby? Would he still want the baby if we were over? Then, I thought of all the times when he looked at me with his gentle eyes; how caring and considerate he was; how he always put me first. I thought of all the good times that we had and how I wanted to create more happy memories for us in the future.
I knocked on Rm. 822. Zander was a deep sleeper when he was really tired. Normally, he was a light sleeper.
I was on my thirdknock, when the door opened.
His left hand was scratching his left eye when he mumbled, "What is it,John? Too damn early, man."
His hair was all mussed from sleep. His eyes widenedwhen he saw me at the door.
"Sedona?" He blinked a few times, unbelieving that I was there.
I smiled shylyand said, "Can I come in?"
"Yeah, sure. Come in.” He was awake now, his voice clearer. He ushered me in quickly and closed the door.
"Sorry, I know it's so early -" Before I could say anything else,his hands were all over me.
He was kissing my hair, my face, and my lips. Hewas touching me everywhere.
I responded willingly. I missed him so much. Next thing I knew, I was being carried to thebed without any clothes on.
He must have gotten rid of his clothes too because he was naked.
When he entered me, I was slick with my own juices. My body missed him. My mind longed for him.And my heart ached for him.
We didn't last long. In less than 5 minutes, we were both panting, out of breath, and hisfluids were mixed with mine.
He held me in his arms for what seemed like forever.
I was the first one tosay something, “I'm sorry.”
He stayed quiet.
I lifted my face from the pillowso I could face him and see his expression when I talked.
"I'm so, so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. Or make you think that you or our relationship didn't mean anything to me. I just wasn't thinking. I guess with our crazy schedules the past months, it totally got out of my head."
He was just listening to me, looking atme with a somber expression.
"The truth became clearer to me when we were apart,” I wanted him to understand. Needed him to understand.
I took a big gulp of air,here's to my leap of faith.
"The truth is, I love you. I didn’t know how to deal with it. I didn’t even want to come to terms with that fact. My dad loved my mom so much. Then, when she was gone, he was never the same. I was scared that I would lose control of myself, of everything.”
