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“See, babe, you're my first, in a lot of things.” Tears were streaming down my face. He continued to listen while slowly wiping my tears with his hands, “I’m scared to lose control, babe. I always have been. But you know what trumps my fear of losing control?” I paused and leaned in closer to his face, “Losing you. I am more scared of losing you than anything else. You’ve taught me to enjoy being surprised, to enjoy life, and now I want to enjoy love, with you. I love you, Zander, with all that I have."
I was not stopping. I wanted him to know that he meant the world to me, "Zander, when you're gone. Everything around me is darker, duller, lonelier. You, you're the spark that lights meup. You bring out the best in me. You make me yearn for more, way more than I have ever had.”
I looked down and he cupped my chin, bringing back my gaze to his deep blue eyes.
"Baby, look at me,” he said gently, “You’re IT for me. If you weren't here today or the next week, I would have gone and locked you up in a cabin somewhere until you recognize that fact. You only had until Tuesday next week to be rid of me. I was coming for you, by graduation. Babe, I’m not sure what love is because I’ve never felt this before.I’m pretty sure, though, that whatever it is, it’s what I feel when you’re with me.”
More tearstrickled down my face, now combined with sniffles.
"These past few weeks have been hell for me. Hundreds, thousands of times, I just wanted to call you and I stopped myself. I want you to be with me because you want to. I want you to think of us, our relationship because you want to. It hasn't been easy for me to stand my ground when all I could think about was you," he admitted.
His eyes shone with love, "I made plans for us. I wanted,no, I hoped that you made plans for us too. I left because I knew how much you meant to me, I just didn’t know how much I meant to you. I couldn’t accept the idea that you planned everything else in your life but you left, me and us, in your plans.”
I kissed his lips and said, "Zander, when I think of the future, I see you clearly. I think I left you out of my plans because I was not ready to accept just how much I loved you. When you left, it was the hardest thing. It also made confront the reality of how life sucks without you. I don't ever want to be without you ever again."
He started kissing my tear-filled face. His hands and fingers masterfully roamed across my still-naked state. As he plunged his tongue inside my mouth, I lost my train of thought and the sheets became tangled again.
When I stirred into consciousness, the drapes were shut and I could onlysee the outline of the clock against the wall. I squinted my eyes to focus on the time on the clock. It was 4:20.
I slept that long?I must have been really tired. My hair was all tangled up in between the sheets and the pillows. I slowly got up and walked to the direction of the bathroom.
I saw that Zanderhad unpacked my bag because my toiletries were piled neatly in the bathroom.
I brushed my teeth and took a long shower. I felt every muscle in my body was sore. Probably from the flight and this morning's exertions. I smiled at myself.
I truly loved this man. He was so honest, so giving, and so good to me.
I still didn't know how to broach the topic of my pregnancy so I thought I'd wait until tonight.
After the shower, I changed into my linen pants andwore a tank top underneath a light sweater. I had no idea where Zander was. He was probably in training camp.
My phone was blinking; Zander's text came in around 11:48 am.
Training camp til 5. Hotel key on top of the minibar. Later, babe.
I responded with a smiley face so he'd know when I saw his message.
I went to the cafe, grabbed a turkey sandwich and lemonade and read my emails on the phone. I walked lightly after eating and went back inside the hotel when I saw that it was starting to get dark.
I wason the process of changing my clothes when I heard the door open.
"Babe, you in here?" he called.
"Yup, bedroom."
I was in my white bra and pinkpanty when he saw me.
"I could get used to this view," he said playfully. His eyes were so bright, they sparkled.
"Sedona, babe, don't be offended or anything ok?" he said.
"For what?" I looked up at his face.
"Has Kieran been feeding you burgers or something?" he asked.
"What? Why?" I was adamant.What was he trying to get at?
He looked at me and said, "Well, your stomach kinda looks bigger, like a lot bigger and I haven't seen you, in like, 3 weeks. I'm not saying you're not beautiful or anything because you are. Always.”
