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It was the last day of break before classes started. Kieran and I were swimming along one of our favorite spots at Mission Bay. The cool water was making me chilly. My feet were paddling in a certain spot under the water. I wanted to rest in that spot for a few minutes. I was gazing at the amazing view of the sun slowly cresting in the horizon. Kieran was floating a couple of feet away from my spot.
“Why do you not say anything about the people I date?” I asked. I had been meaning to ask him this but there never seemed to be the right time.
“Is this about that guy, Zander?” He saw the picture on the website because his buddy sent it to him after recognizing me in it.
“Not really. It’s just about the people I date, in general. I make comments about the girls you date. Why don’t you make comments about my dates?”
“Ace, you’ve only dated 2 guys. It’s not like you have a massive collection of dates that I can critique. Plus, I don’t make comments because you have to figure it out,” he simply said.
“Figure what out?” I looked towards him but the reflection of the sky in the water was causing a glare that it hurt my eyes to look at him directly so I looked away.
His voice clear, “In life, maybe in love, things don’t fall in black and white checkboxes.”
“What do you mean?” I was confused. In our more than 12-year friendship, I knew this was one of those key and extremely rare moments when he was trying to convey a life lesson.
“Ace, exploring the gray areas in life is what brings it color. It may lead to happiness. Life’s not all black and white. Things or people don’t always have to fit in a plan or a schedule.”
He was an introspective guy. One of his many admirable and endearing qualities.
“Ohh-kaay. Are you saying that there’s something wrong with planning? And, what does this have to do with you not making any comments about guys I date?”
His voice solemn, I swam closer to him because the sound of the waves on the shore was disrupting my hearing. “Ace, I love you. You’re the sister I never had. I will always protect you. But I can’t experience life for you. If you date a guy, it means you must have seen something in him that you like. I don’t comment because I want you to decide for yourself whether he’s right for you,” his brown-eyed gaze focused on me.
My vision started blurring, “Do you think there’s something wrong with me? I mean, I gave a guy a chance and look at what happened. Maybe, it’s because I’m too young or too inexperienced. Maybe guys don’t like that.”
With angry eyes, he faced me, “Don’t think every guy is going to be like that asshole, Brennan. He’s a stupid scumbag. He didn’t deserve you. I should have said something from the beginning. He was my friend. I knew he was going to make a play on you once you turned 18. I honestly thought he had changed when he met you and he wasn’t going to play around. That’s why I didn’t say anything. Obviously, I was wrong.”
It wasn’t Kieran’s fault that Brennan became my boyfriend. I first met him at Kieran’s house when I was 15; Brennan was 18 at that time. He thought I was Kieran’s younger sister since I was always around Kieran. Brennan and Kieran attended the same all-boys high school.
The years went by, I saw Brennan time and time again. It was purely coincidental that the three of us ended up going to school in San Francisco. Brennan asked me out on a couple of dates and last year, he asked me to be his girlfriend, I said‘yes’ before I could even tell Kieran because I liked how Brennan made me feel. He made me feel like a girl. When Kieran found out that Brennan and I were officially dating, he did not say anything about it. Something must have happened between the two of them because every time Brennan was around, Kieran went scarce.
“Kieran, it’s not your fault that it didn’t work out with Brennan.”Maybe it was mine.I did not put out.It was unspoken; however, the look on my face must have clued him into what I was thinking.
“Oh Ace, c’mere,” he stopped gliding in the water and started swimming towards me. He wrapped his right arm around me; our feet waded in the water. There was no malice between us. I could be in my bikini or underwear and he could still hug me and I’d feel safe.
“There’s nothing wrong with you. But I just hope that you’ll give other guys a chance too. Just because Brennan did that, doesn’t mean other guys are like that. You got to give people a chance to know you. You gave me a chance, right? ” he said.
The day I found out Brennan was cheating, I ran to Nalee and Tanya because I knew that if I told Kieran, he would probably have driven out to Brennan’s place and beaten him to a pulp. Nalee and Tanya must have mentioned the “cheating” part to Kieran because I never told him.
“Kieran, thank you for being here, there, and everywhere for me. Sometimes, I feel like I’m not good enough for anybody. I know I have weird quirks. And I’m closed off. I don’t think anyone will ever understand me the way you, Nalee, and Tanya do.”
A long, companionable silence stretched between us. The water was getting chillier by the minute. I was ready to head back to shore.
Kieran still had something to say, “Ace, you’re more than good enough. Look at yourself. You’re gorgeous, smart, and you got some kick-ass legs. The ‘kick-ass part’ is from Duncan.” Duncan was one of his swimming buddies in campus. He was a very good-looking Swedish-Russian guy, who always winked at me when I watched Kieran’s practices.
He continued, “My point is, you have to give people a chance to know you. You didn’t know me before. You didn’t know Nalee or Tanya before. But you gave us all a chance and now we have a great friendship. Any guy would be lucky to have you.”
“I might’ve met someone special but I think I blew it,” my voice wandering off into the distance.
“Well, maybe next time you meet someone special, you can let the possibility flow between you and him. You’re special. A guy has to be pretty damned special too to have you. I know because I’m extraordinary so I got an extraordinary best friend.” Those cocky comments were unique to Kieran. He might carry a boatload of confidence but he always spoke the truth.
Chapter Five
“Beauty lies in your eyes. Look at the world with optimism; you will see just how beautiful it is.”
Sedona
Friday night.
