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“You lied to me, Sedona. Twice. For him. I’m sorry but in my world, that could only mean one thing – you still have feelings for him.” His words lanced through me.
“I will always have feelings for him. He was my friend. He was a good guy. He walked me to class every single day during my Junior Year – before he went to college. He protected me when Kieran was away. He saw me through my acne phase. He is a nice guy. It’s hard for me to see him as a crazy, psycho because I’ve known him for a long time”
I pressed my free hand to his chest, “Zander, my feelings for him are those of a friend’s, a long-time friend. Other than those, I have no more feelings for him. I know I lied to you. It’s unjustifiable. I hurt you. I just wanted everything to be better. I didn’t want you dragged through senseless court orders or whatever crap Brennan was going to do.”
I felt strong arms gently tug me. In the dark, I felt his gaze bore down on me. His breathing was heavy.
“Sedona, I don’t know what I would do without you. If you get hurt, I don’t even want to imagine what I would do. Do you know how much you mean to me?” he asked, baring his emotions to me.
I nodded.
“Listen, I don’t think you fully understand how much you mean to me.” He slowly lifted me off my seat, positioned me so I was sitting on his lap.
I smelled his masculine scent mixed with desire. It was intoxicating.
I caressed his hair, “Zander.”
He stopped my hand from going any further.
“Sedona, listen. I was angry at you for going to that asshole. He doesn’t even deserve to breathe the same air as you. I don’t care what he was before. I honestly don’t give a flying fuck if he brought you cookies and shit in high school. What I do know is this – he’s a stupid idiot and he could hurt you!” His eyes blazed with fury.
He paused and breathed loudly. He lowered his head and turned to the left. He was collecting himself. His emotions.
“Zander, I’m so sorry. I thought I could make it better. I drove to meet him at a public place. I was careful. I wasn’t alone with him. He was mad and angry. His ego was smashed and he wasn’t thinking straight either. But I got through to him, didn’t I? He dropped the charges. I lied to you. But I didn’t lie for him. I did it for you. All for you.” Desperation lingered in my voice. I needed him to understand that he was the reason for my actions.
I felt wet, fat tears falling from my cheeks. His hands slowly brushed them off of me. He brought his lips to my forehead.
In a gravelly voice, “You mean a lot to me, Sedona. You’re very important to me. I could’ve dealt with him. He could’ve brought the whole lawsuit and I could’ve dealt with that.”
His eyes pierced into mine.
“What I couldn’t have dealt with is if something happened to you,” his hands lingered on my cheeks.
“Zander, babe,” I croaked.
“Sedona, my day starts with you and ends with you. I play football for me. I study Architecture for me. I go to all these other events for my parents for them. Everything else in between, it’s for you. You take up 99% of my mind and my time and hell no, I’m not complaining. If something happened to you, do you know what my life would be like? There would be fuckin’ blackhole. You fill everything else in between.”
I gasped. He was baring his soul to me.
“Oh babe.” Tears were still streaming down from my face.
He continued, “I needed time and space because I was mad. But that doesn’t mean that there was minute or a second that I wasn’t thinking of you. I had a feeling you were giving me space. I appreciated that. When I finally called, you left for Costa Rica without even a text or a call or an e-mail. Or even a note.”
My sins kept piling on.
“I’m not used to this,” I whispered.
“Used to what?”
“This. Us. The intensity, the gravity of our situation.” This was not what I had intended to happen. But the more I talked with him, the farther I was getting.
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that I’m not used to this.” I looked away from him. I slowly got out of his embrace and struggled to get up.
I was taking the easy way out. His words knifed through me. His pain lanced through my heart. I could not bear to do this to him anymore. What if something happened like this again? How much pain did he have to go through?
“I think,” I paused, the words felt like bricks coming out of my mouth, “we need a break from each other.”
