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The sudden certainty I feel is surprising and perhaps a little alarming. However, if I'm truly honest with myself, this was always the only choice. I can fight with myself over it for as long as I want, but that's not going to change the outcome.
I've come too far. I've got to see this through.
Chapter 7
After brunch, Elliot asks me to take a walk through their back garden. Every home in the Society has some form of garden, as it’s seen as spiritually enlightening. It’s a small garden, but with enough room to offer some privacy thanks to the large, overarching trees. In order to have a suitable environment for a flourishing garden in our arid climate, trees are a necessity for shade.
Elliot glances toward me. “Your parents are nice.”
“Thanks. So is your mom, and the food was delicious.” I take in the flora, feeling a bit awkward. I’m itching to get home and put my next plan into motion, but I also know that I need to at least put in effort for Elliot. The whole dynamic is exhausting.
As if reading my mind, Elliot grabs my hand. “It’s hard to really get to know each other when we’re constantly needing to please our families, too.” He chuckles to himself, “It’s a bit awkward, honestly.”
I feel somewhat better at his admission, a genuine smile on my face. “That’s funny; I was literally just thinking that.” I feelsome discomfort at the hand holding but swallow it and keep myself from pulling back. “The whole process is weird, but we already sorta talked about that,” I say, referring to the True Partner dinner.
He laughs again. “Yeah, I always wondered why the Elders did things this way. Not that I’m questioning their methods; I would never. But, I mean, wouldn’t it make more sense to let us get to know each other privately? It feels so…arranged.”
I mean, itisarranged. “Yeah, I know. Still, you seem…cool.” I keep my eyes on the flowers, the discomfort increasing at my admission.
“Likewise.” He stops and his grip on my hand forces me to stop, too. He looks into my eyes with something akin to nervous determination. “Listen, I’m serious about getting to know each other better. Maybe we could do something tonight? Just the two of us?”
My heart sinks. I’ve already made up my mind about my plans, and his request only makes me feel more shameful. I need to think of an excuse quickly, though. There’s no time to dwell on my feelings. “Uh…Elliot, I would love to, but I already made plans with my friend, Olivia. I’m so sorry. Maybe tomorrow night?”
He looks disappointed but shrugs it off. “Oh, yeah, no problem. It was sort of short notice anyway. How about dinner tomorrow. I’ll cook?”
He cooks; that’s a plus, as it’s another thing we have in common. I smile and nod, not trusting myself to speak without my voice shaking. I’m wracked with guilt, but I can’t give away anything. This is how it has to be. At least, for now.
My guilt multiplies when I think of Olivia. I’m going to have to ask her to lie for me,again. I know she’s also curious, but that doesn’t change the fact that she’s putting herself in danger for me.
Once we head back into the house when my father calls for us to take our leave, I’m feeling even more conflicted than before.
~ ~·~ ~
It feels good to spar, more so than usual.
My father must pick up on this, too, because when a particularly rough kick lands in his midsection, he raises his hands in defeat.
I break my fighting stance and look up at the ceiling, trying to catch my breath.
When I look back at my father, his expression is perplexed. “You okay, darling?”
I’m torn between letting out my frustrations—minus the obvious detail—and lying. Though I know he’s been understanding in the past, with the added expectation that I would always do right by the Society, I made a whole show during our last training session about needing his library card to take on my duties with pride. Therefore, I ultimately choose somewhere in the middle.
“It’s just been a lot, the whole True Partner process,” I gasp out, breaths still coming quickly from exertion. “I’m happy, really. It’s just…fast. And awkward.”
My father looks at me with compassion, and then appears to be mulling something over. He motions for me to follow him over to a bench by the right wall, allowing us to rest more effectively.
He sighs and turns to me once we’re situated. “Never tell your mother this, but right before our True Partner dinner, my parents caught me trying to sneak out of the Society.”
My eyes widen in surprise.Myfather, the ever-loyal high-ranking Elderhood official, attempting treason? I can’t even fathom it. “Seriously? You?”
He chuckles at my surprise. “I know, I know. But I was young, and you’re right. It’s terribly awkward, this process. I panicked, and if my parents hadn’t caught me…I don’t know where I’d be right now.” His eyes darken briefly, but the light returns quickly as he gives me a gentle smile. “Wherever I would be, it wouldn’t be with your mother. And that alone would be a tragedy. One day, you’ll feel the same.”
I smile back at my father, appreciative of his candor. “Thanks.”
But what if Elliot isn’t the one that would cause such tragedy in my life, if I were to be without him? What if that right belongs to someone else?
I blink at myself in surprise. What an odd thought to have. Who would that right belong to, if not my True Partner?
