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He calls out for me again as I slam the door and turn away.A few falling snowflakes dust the path in front of me as my trembling hands work to button my coat. The lights turn green, and traffic starts to move. A few honking cars catch my attention, and I peek over my shoulder to see his truck at a standstill, angry drivers weaving around him. Eventually, theblack blur drives by, and he’s no more than a distant rumble blending with the whip of the winter wind.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Ryan
“Fuck.Fuck.” I slam my fist into the steering wheel repeatedly as I drive away. Fuck me for falling for someone who has the same history as my mom. For someone who would keep a secret like that from me. I want to be pissed off at her. I want to drive off and never look back, but as each block passes by, the more my guts twist.
Lainey isn’t my mom. She isn’t like most women I know. She might have a past that I hate, a past that makes me sick, but I’m sure it makes her feel a hell of a lot worse.
Maybe I don’t understand how she got involved with someone who did that to her, but I care about her. I know her. I know her heart.
And I know I just stomped all over it.
I scrub my hand up and down my face. “Asshole,” I murmur to myself before flicking on the blinker to turn.
A cut through Quartino’s parking lot and a quick trip down the back alley gets me to her parking lot. I pull into the closest parking spot and hop out, desperate to get to Lainey as fast as I can, even though I’m sure as hell she doesn’t want to see me.My feet slip on the new snow mixed with sleet that covers the pavement, and I grasp my side mirror to keep from falling.
With focused steps I trek to her apartment, sprint up the flight of stairs, and reach her door. I wiggle the knob, finding it locked, and start knocking with both fists.
“Lainey,” I shout through the wooden door. “Open up. Please.”
I knock some more and put an ear to the door to listen for her steps, only to be met with silence.
I rest my forehead against the wooden frame, slowing my breathing, debating on my next step when I tilt my head to look out the window.
There, still on the sidewalk, amidst the puffy flakes now falling at a steady pace, is Lainey.
The snow mixed with her heeled boots must have slowed her pace. Thank God.
In a flash, I’m back down the steps, out the front door, and skating across the parking lot toward her. I ignore the angry honking from drivers as I disregard the red flashing light and come to stand in front of her on the pavement.
She continues coming my way, eyes still locked on the ground as she nearly knocks into me. “Sorry,” she says softly before stepping to the side, not realizing it’s me blocking her path.
I gently grab her elbow as she passes.“Lainey.”
The sound of my voice finally breaks through her fog, and she halts, looking up at me for a quick second before diverting her gaze. That second was enough to see the tears and the streaked mascara on her cheeks.
She keeps her eyes glued to the sidewalk. Just the occasional sniffle indicating she’s even around.
“I’m sorry.”
She huffs a non-existent laugh. “For what?”
“Everything.” I wait to see if she will look up at me, but she is still focusing on her feet, so I continue. “For my reaction. I’m sorry for what happened to you.”
“I don’t need your pity.”
I grasp the back of my neck, tilting my face up to the sky. A few flakes land on me, and I run my tongue along my top lip before starting again. “I don’t know, okay? I don’t know what to say. I don’t even know whatIthink right now, let alone what you are thinking.” I sigh, heavily. “But I know I will not walk away from you.”
She pulls a hand out of her pocket to swipe the trail of black tears running down her face. “I don’t want to be a reminder of what you’re running away from.”
I take one step closer to her, gauging her reaction before moving my other foot. “Maybe I need to stop running, then.”
“There are times I feel like I’ve lost my mind, that I’m still that weak woman from two years ago. I still have bad days, Ryan. Is that something you want to hang around and see?”
I don’t answer her. I don’t know what to say that could make her feel any better, and if I’m being honest with myself, I don’t know if I can do this, either.
But I know I care about her, and I know she’s freezing right now. I reach an arm up, slowly draping it over her shoulder to pull her to my chest. She shuffles her feet until they meet mine, letting me pull her into a hug. I rub her back for a few moments before I turn her, keeping her tucked under my arm as we take the last block to her apartment in silence.
