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“What sex stuff?”Parker yelped.I snapped my mouth shut, wishing I’d said nothing.Parker was my best friend and the only person who truly knew me.And he was gay.He wouldn’t judge me.There was no reason not to tell him what had happened.My throat closed up, and I swallowed hard.
My heart raced with panic as I scrambled for a lie instead.“Oh, I don’t know.Just general sex stuff.”Why had I brought it up?There was so much I wanted to say, but the words felt too heavy on my tongue; why hadn’t I just kept all of that buried where it belonged?
“Aiden.”Parker’s voice held a note of censure.“What sex stuff?You know you can tell me.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”I spun my kayak around, scanning the campers.Why couldn’t someone capsize their boat and free me from this misery?But no one was in danger.They were all handling their kayaks with relative ease, and I felt a light thump as Parker’s kayak bumped into mine.
“Come on, you can’t just say something like that and let it go.Not when you still haven’t explained why you suddenly threw Jay at me like I needed a pity fuck.”
“What?You don’t need a pity fuck.You’re gorgeous,” I muttered.“I mean, look at you.That wasn’t what it was about.”
“Oh, really.”Parker’s voice held a note of flirtatious curiosity.I needed to shut that down.
“Shut up.You know you’re hot as hell.Even a straight guy can see it.”I put a lot of extra emphasis on the word ‘straight,’ for Parker’s benefit.
Parker was quiet for a moment, his eyes on me, probably assessing me.“Fine, then tell me what it was all about, before I capsize your boat and tell all the campers you aren’t as outdoorsy as you look.”
“Fuck off.I am as outdoorsy as I look,” I gasped.Parker burst out laughing.
“You’re an idiot.Now, what sex stuff?”
Embarrassment made my cheeks hot, and I ducked my chin into my chest for a moment before taking a deep breath.“Jay and I kind of fooled around.Hand jobs and stuff.”
“I knew you were bi,” Parker squealed, splashing water at me.I glanced quickly toward the campers, hoping none had heard him.
“Shh.I don’t know if I’m bi.Or what I am,” I whispered.“Do I need to decide?”
“You don’t need to label yourself right away, and even if you do, it’s not permanent — people change, sexuality shifts.Telling me you might be bi today won’t tattoo it on your soul.Why fear the label?”
“Oh.”He had a point.
“Besides, remember what we decided when we were kids?Camp is our safe space, Aiden.Camp is where I first came out, where you let yourself be who you truly are without worrying about the bullshit with your dad.If you’re bi, it’s okay.If you’re something else, it’s okay to explore that here.”
“How do I know?”
“It’s all about experimenting and self-reflection, I think.”
“Not my strongest skills,” I said, grinning.
“Listen, I think more guys are bi than admit it.Lots of guys are curious, anyway.You don’t even know how many ‘straight’ guys I’ve messed around with at school.Some people it’s a spectrum.Some guys only feel the urge around the right person, or at the right moment in their life.”
“A spectrum,” I said, frowning, thinking about the way I’d reacted to Jay.I could remember a few other guys throughout the years that had piqued some sort of interest, something I couldn’t explain, but it didn’t happen often, so I’d always brushed it off.And it had never been as intense as it was with Jay.
“You don’t have to be attracted to every hot guy, or even most of them.Look at the guys here.You think I’m hot?”
“I mean, you’re objectively good-looking, but I’m not sure I want to play with your dick,” I muttered.
“And Matt?”he asked, gesturing to our camp director, who was standing by the shore talking to a lifeguard named Dusty.I studied them, frowning.Matt was handsome, but I wasn’t into his scruffy beard and hairy, broad-shouldered build.Dusty, who had a gorgeous swimmer’s body, was another story, but I didn’t want to admit that to Parker, not yet.
“What about Ben?”
I blinked, staring at our co-counselor, who was definitely sexy, in a dark-haired, Latin Lover kind of way.He was almost as tall as me, but had a beautiful bone structure.“Maybe,” I whispered, my eyes scanning over to Jay and locking in on him.Ben didn’t hold a candle to my cute, pale geek, though.There was just something about Jay.
“Right, so you have a type,” Parker said, following my gaze and laughing.“Blond, pretty, doesn’t spend much time in the sun.”
“Oddly, nothing like what I prefer in a woman,” I said, smiling a little and blushing.“He’s really pretty, though.”
“So why try to set me up with the guy you have a thing for?”
