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Those weren’t the words of someone who respected me. If she could talk like that, she didn’t even like me! Why was she even with me, then? Or whyhadshe been, considering we were pretty much over.
The future I’d seen for us was evaporating in front of my eyes. The pain wrenching my chest was almost too much to bear. I slid down in my chair, my hands on my heart as if I could somehow make this hurt less. To think I’d thought I loved Tara! In the space of two minutes, that feeling was gone for good.
How could she say I was being overdramatic? She knew how much this meant to me. Sheknew.And she had the nerve to sit there and offer platitudes like “there will be other opportunities”? This was the only opportunity I needed, or should have been anyway. This company was so perfect—it had seemed like everything was falling into place.
I’d gotten carried away, assuming this was a sure thing before I had any feedback. Okay, I could admit that. I’d pinned all my hopes on this one company. But Tara knew that. Why couldn’t she have been more sympathetic? Why did she have to go to the point of being openly mean?
At the end, she’d seemed so horrified. So utterly disgusted by me. She’d stormed out of here as if I’d said something terribly wrong. But I’d only said what I felt. She was the one who had overreacted. What were the words I’d used, again?
This is the worst thing to ever happen to me in my life. You wouldn't understand. You've never been through anything like this.
My tremors stopped. I froze, then slowly sat up in my chair and wiped the tears from my face. Was that really what I’d said? It had seemed so obvious at the time, but now that I thought about it, was it true?
Her reaction was starting to make sense. No, it made perfect sense, and I cringed inside as I thought about how awful I’d been. Her mom had died, for God’s sake! She’d grown up without a family. She’d spend her entire childhood bouncing from one home to another, one set of “parents” worse than the next. Seen her foster brother overdose. Been coerced into sex with older men.
I had been completely self-centered. Immature, even. She’d been through things I couldn’t even begin to imagine, and that was only the stuff I knew about—she hadn’t told me everything. She had needed such immense strength and fortitude to survive and thrive despite the obstacles. And I’d told her my suffering was worse because my game had been rejected.
Oh, God. What had I done?
How could I possibly make up for this?
25
Tara
My friends’ faces popped onto my phone screen, one by one. I would’ve been happy to see them, but my pain blocked out all other emotions. My own reflection showed that I looked grim and contorted. And yet I didn’t look half as bad as I felt.
“Tara, what’s going on?” Nia asked. “Is this about Chelsea?”
Unable to speak, I nodded. I’d texted my friends just five minutes ago, telling them I needed to speak to them urgently. I could see from Nia’s background that she was still at work, while Trevor was in the change room at the gym. Kyle lay half-awake in bed.
“What is it?” Nia urged. “Did she go back to men?”
Piled under blankets in my bed, I shook my head against my pillow. Funny how I’d been so worried about that at the start and it had never been the slightest issue. She’d just been a shitty person, in the end. I didn’t know which one was worse.
“She said something awful to me,” I whispered. “That getting her game idea rejected was worse than anything that ever happened to me.”
Trevor’s jaw dropped, and Kyle sat up sharply in bed. “She’s an idiot,” Trevor said.
That much was for sure. But was she a malicious idiot? That part, I didn’t know yet.
“I stormed out,” I whispered. “I couldn’t stay one second longer. Maybe if I’d waited for her to apologize…”
“Some things can’t be excused,” Nia said firmly. “She knows what kind of life you come from, and she still made that comparison.”
“It was only in the moment, though. She was so upset.” And I’d been harsh on her leading up to that point. I hadn’t been too sympathetic to start with.
“You’re already making excuses for her,” Kyle said.
“Maybe I am.”
I wanted to be with her more than anything. The past little while, I’d been happier than ever before. If she’d spoken without thinking, couldn’t that be forgiven? I’d thought we had a lifetime ahead of us. Was one misguided comment worth throwing that away?
“Just block her everywhere before she can convince you to take her back.” Nia folded her arms. “She’s shown what she’s like. Time to let her go.”
“That’s awfully harsh,” Trevor said. “I think it’s worth talking to her before making any decisions.”
My friends were giving me the perspective I needed. My anger at Chelsea was already seeping away. My strong reaction had been more about the stress I’d been under. The decision that had been weighing on my mind for weeks.
