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She took a deep breath and nodded her head. I listened intently as she told the story, starting with the Facebook message and finishing with the conversation on the phone. First I was excited for her, and then as she got to the part about what her aunt wanted, I grew furious. I could tell how deeply affected she’d been, and as she talked, she grew more comfortable as if she was finally getting some relief.
My heart wrenched for her. She’d been silently suffering alone instead of coming to me, or even anybody else. She felt like she needed to be an island—but she didn’t anymore. I’d do whatever it took to make her see that.
Now I understood why she’d flown off the handle earlier tonight. My problems were minuscule next to hers. My rejection definitely wasn’t worse than anything she’d experienced—it wasn’t even worse than what she was going through right now.
I felt like the world’s biggest asshole for saying what I’d said—but I set my feelings aside. This wasn’t about me. And even though the game company’s rejection still stung, I wasn’t going to think about that tonight. I was going to set everything else aside and focus solely on my girl.
When she had finished speaking, I gave her another long hug. Then I lay back and examined her face, and I saw how much heartache and confusion was still engraved there.
“This is still eating at you,” I said. “Why? You told this woman to fuck off, as well you should have. Why are you still letting it get to you?”
“I’m not sure,” she admitted. “I can’t seem to stop thinking about it. My mind circles back to that woman every hour, every day. I felt so worthless when she didn’t want me for anything but my organs. But…”
I waited, squeezing her shoulder to let her know I supported her.
“I don’t know.” She hung her head. “Part of me thinks I should see if I’m a match. If I could really save her life, don’t I owe that to her—just as a fellow human being? Sure, she didn’t treat me as well as she could’ve, but is that a reason to hand down a death sentence?” Her voice cracked. “How would I be able to live with myself?”
I stared at her, my jaw hanging open. Even after everything, Tara was still thinking about giving her own kidney to a complete stranger. Her heart was just that big. “You don’t owe her anything,” I said slowly.
“I know I don’t. And she’s not expecting anything from me, now that I’ve cursed her out. I just…” She toyed with a strand of her hair. “I can’t stop thinking about how it would feel. She seemed to have no other options. If I say no, she’ll give up on life. I could change her entire world with one phone call.”
Slowly, I nodded. I was starting to see her point of view.
“It’s not an easy decision,” she said. “That’s why I’ve been going back and forth on it for a month. She’s not a bad person, though. I don’t hate her like I hate my biological dad.” Her lip twisted into a sneer. “She and her mom sent money when I was a little kid. They did try to help, at least at first.”
“I can’t make that decision for you.” I was telling myself as much as her. I wished I could snap my fingers and magically know what was right, but there was no right and wrong here. Only she could come to a conclusion. “I’m here for you, though. I’ll talk through this for as long as you need to, and whatever you decide, I’ll be here for you.” The gratitude in her eyes warmed my heart. “Even if you want to go to Boston and spy on this lady, I’ll be right there with you.”
“Is that a serious offer?”
“Why not?”
She shrugged, her teeth digging into her lower lip. “I was thinking about going there and meeting her. Not spying, mind you.” She gave half a laugh. “Just talking to her properly. It was such an emotional conversation. The fact that I had blood relatives who knew about me, and I met them as a little kid, and they didn’t help me as a teen, and now one needs my help… It was a lot. I might’ve reacted differently if she’d given me more time to get used to the whole idea.”
All of that made sense.
“I can’t go alone, though.” She gazed downward. “I could, but I don’t want to. Even though my friends are there—well, it’s not the same. I’d want you there with me.”
I didn’t even have to think about it. “You choose the date. I’ll call in to work.”
She looked up at me sharply, her face incredulous. “You?”
“I take time off sometimes.”
“You would’ve worked straight through the holidays if they’d let you.”
“Well, this isn’t a holiday.” I grabbed her and squeezed her tight. “This is my girlfriend, who needs me. Did you not hear me when I said I’d be there for you, no matter what?”
“I—I heard.”
For a moment, the confident, assertive woman I knew was gone, and a little girl took her place, her face filled with loneliness and sorrow. The little girl couldn’t believe I’d put her first, because no one ever had, and she didn’t think anyone ever would.
The moment passed as quickly as it came, but I vowed to myself that I’d never forget that little girl was there—and that I’d never, ever let her down.
I kept that little girl in mind as I called in the next morning. My boss was shocked—I’d never taken a day off work. He agreed readily to my vacation request, though, saying with the amount I worked, I’d more than earned it.
So that Friday, I rented a car and picked up Tara. I hadn’t wanted to use my work truck for such a long trip. The roads were clear, although a little icy from an overnight snowfall. I refused Tara’s attempts to pay me back for the rental. “I’ll let you pay for gas,” I told her, knowing that I wouldn’t.
I could feel tension emanating from her as we hit the highway, and it didn’t let up as we passed one town, and then another. I couldn’t blame her. She’d been on edge since she’d first heard from Ava, and now we were going to meet her in person. She planned to call her up and make it seem like she was coincidentally in town. She wouldn’t say anything about the kidney to start. She’d see how she felt as the meeting progressed—although I knew that would be the only thing on either of their minds.
