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I tried to scrape up some anger and resentment. I was trying to hate her—I really was. But all I could feel was the heartfelt excitement of a little girl who was finally going to see her mother again.
Ava reached into her oversized purse. The photos weren’t in an album or anything as fancy as that—just a wrinkled envelope from a photo lab. I hadn’t seen anything so old-fashioned in years. As she pulled out a few snapshots, I saw they were just as wrinkled. These photos had been looked at. They had been loved.
The first one showed a woman just a little older than me cradling a infant in her arms. Beside me, Chelsea gasped. “She could literally be you, just with lipstick and long hair.”
“More like big hair.” I stared at the photo wonderingly. My mom had definitely been a child of the eighties. “Besides, that’s me right there.” My hand shook slightly as I pointed.
“What other pictures are there?” Chelsea asked.
She looked through the rest as I turned that one over.Macy and Tara, Easter dinnerwas written on it. My heart pumped harder, and the tips of my fingers felt oddly numb. I’d never seen myself so young. Never seen my mother so happy.
“You can have those.” Ava interrupted my thoughts. “You can do whatever you want with them.”
“Th-thank you. I’ll treasure them.” I slid the pictures back into the envelope. I couldn’t handle looking at the rest of them right now, or I might just start crying.
“Is there anything you want to know about your mom?” Ava asked. “Or your childhood? I can even tell you about your father.”
“I’ll take a pass on that.” My nose wrinkled. “The rest, though… yes. Anything and everything you can remember.”
As Ava began to reminisce, Chelsea’s hand found my knee and squeezed gently. I had to admit Ava wasn’t what I’d expected. She definitely wasn’t the cruel, calculating woman I’d originally made her out to be. She could’ve done better by me—but I understood why she hadn’t. When she spoke about the past, I could see the real affection she’d held for my mom—and for me. She’d made mistakes, just like all of us sometimes did. Was it fair to not forgive her for them?
The sense of guilt encroached further as she went on about my preschool years. “I think I have some moments with you on video. I could probably find them if I look hard enough—and if I pull out my old VHS player.”
Ava was a normal woman. Dare I say it, she was a good person. I glanced at Chelsea, wondering what she was thinking. Why did I have to hold Ava’s life or death in my hands? Why was it my role to be her pardoner or executioner?
Half an hour went by in a flash. I should probably get going, if only for Ava’s sake. I didn’t want to keep her all day when being out was clearly difficult for her.
“I was going to tell you about your medical history.” Ava pulled a slim folder from her bag. “I don’t know everything about your mom’s side, of course, but I can certainly tell you about your dad’s.”
I settled into my chair, and Chelsea laced her fingers through mine under the table. She didn’t have to say anything for me to know she was in this with me for as long as I needed her.
Ava told me about the possibility of heart disease and ovarian cancer. A few distant relatives had also had early strokes. “You’re young and healthy, so I’m sure you don’t need to worry.” She paused, looking uncomfortable. “And then, of course, there’s the kidney failure.”
I nodded slowly. I didn’t want to think about my decision right now. On the other hand, she was right—this was part of my family medical history, too. I needed to know in case it affected me one day. Who knew? My own kidneys could fail later on, and then I’d regret giving her one of them.
I tried not to think about the choice looming over me as I listened to her speak. She’d been diagnosed with autosomal dominant polycystic kidney disease more than ten years ago and had been living with it ever since. It caused high blood pressure, urinary tract infections, and kidney stones, among other unpleasant symptoms. When it got bad enough, it could result in brain aneurysms, heart valve abnormalities, cysts in the liver—and loss of kidney function.
“It’s a dominant gene, so if your father has it, you would have a fifty percent chance of having it,” she said. “So far, there are no signs of him having it.”
“You should go and get screened for that as soon as possible,” Chelsea murmured.
I definitely would. “Thank you so much for telling me all of this,” I said. “I feel much better—about everything.”
“That’s wonderful.” She smiled at me as I stood up. “Wait, Tara. Do you…” Did I think I could give her a kidney?I waited for the question I knew she had to ask. But she trailed off instead, shaking her head with a forced smile. “Never mind.”
“It was great to meet you.” Chelsea put extra pep in her voice as she reached out to shake Ava’s hand. “I’m so glad Tara was able to connect with a family member.”
“And I’m glad Tara has a lovely lady in her life to take care of her.” Ava’s voice weakened. “How long are you two in town for? Maybe we could do this again.”
I thought about it. I’d only heard about my mom so far. Ava hadn’t said much about my dad, and although I despised him, part of me was curious. Then there were the grandparents I could actually meet if I wanted to, and Ava’s children—my cousins—as well.
“Maybe,” I said. “I’ll let you know.”
I had a lot to think about before that would happen.
29
Chelsea
