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“I bet he’d be an amazing subject.”
They bounced even more ideas off of each other, even coming up with rough sketches of the layout and logo of the magazine. Their ideas were ambitious—none of the other magazines in the region had done anything close to this before—but Alissa knew they had the passion and the drive to get it done. But it was going to take a while.
Eventually, Dane had to go back to his desk and get some work done onThe Outlet, giving Alissa a chance to make some necessary phone calls. She had to let her landlord know that she was ending her lease and she wasn’t coming back. And as much as she loved Literary Stays, she had to find a more permanent place to settle. Blueberry Bay was already home in her heart, but now she was going to settle in a physical home for good.
CHAPTERTWENTY-ONE
Caitlin topped off Monica and Alissa’s glasses of pinot noir before attending to her own. They were gathered in the kitchen of Literary Stays, a charcuterie board, bottle of wine, and Alissa’s laptop between them. Alissa had called for an impromptu gathering with wine after her publisher sent over some mock-up covers of her book.
“Here, let me show you what they sent! Seeing a cover makes it all feel so real,” Alissa said, opening her computer and pulling up her email. “I think they captured the story perfectly.”
Alissa opened up a file of a book cover. It had a bold, beautiful sunset with a man on the stern of a boat, looking out onto it. A siren was off in the distance, looking back at him. They hadn’t settled on a final title yet, but for now, they had put in, “The Siren and the Sailor” across the top andAlissa Lewisat the bottom. It looked perfect and it wasn’t even the final cover.
“It looks fantastic!” Caitlin said. “Their cover designer is really talented.”
“She is! I got to talk to everyone on the phone on Friday and they were super nice. It’s like a family.” Alissa clicked over to a second mock-up, which was of the same scene at night, the moon illuminating the siren.
“I can see one of these blown up and put on an easel over in the main library,” Monica said, adjusting her glasses on her nose. “And I’ve asked Michael over at the coffee shop about where he bought those heat lamps on the shop’s patio so we could get some at a great price. Wouldn’t it be great if we set up an event space so you could do a reading out here with the ocean in the background? Then we could have some themed snacks.”
“That’s so far off in the future,” Alissa said with a laugh. “But it really would be awesome. I love being outside here, even when it’s freezing.”
“Plus if it’s cold out, it fits the story,” Monica added. Both she and Caitlin had read the draft. It was an amazing book, filled with genuine heartbreak, love, and redemption. “Like the scene where the sailor gets thrown overboard.”
“I hope you’re not planning on throwing any of the guests into the water,” Alissa teased.
“That would be a little bit too realistic.” Monica laughed, and Caitlin tried to match her energy, but couldn’t. Neither her sister or Monica seemed to notice, to her relief.
While Alissa and Monica chatted about what was left in the publishing process, namely some last minute edits and marketing efforts, Caitlin sipped her wine. She was of two minds—she was excited for her sister, definitely. She was chasing her dreams and landing on her feet. Having a book published was a huge deal and the press that Alissa was working with sounded like a dream too. Alissa was finding fulfillment in what she had always wanted, which not many people got to say for themselves.
But Alissa’s happiness only reminded her of how unfulfilling her life was. How she still hadn’t told James when she was coming back, not that she knew herself. How she still didn’t have the answers that she craved or any sense of where she wanted her life to go. The thought of finding fulfillment was so far away that it was almost laughable. As much as she loved being Pearl’s mother, she wanted a piece of the life she had with James before she was born too.
Caitlin wondered if that was selfish, but didn’t have an answer for that either. The questions and empty spaces in her thoughts came crashing down on her like an avalanche, making her heart pound.
“Excuse me for a second,” Caitlin said, slipping away with her glass of wine.
She went outside onto the patio, the crisp air steadying her. The night was overcast, so the ocean looked like a black void that went on forever. It was soothing in a weird way despite being filled with unknowns. Steady, simple, smooth.
She sat down on the porch swing, pushing back and swinging back and forth. Her chest was tight and drinking her wine wasn’t loosening the knot. Still, she tried to make that happen. She didn’t want to cry out here and make Alissa think that she wasn’t happy for her.
“Caitlin?” Alissa stepped out onto the porch. “You okay?”
Caitlin just shrugged and Alissa sat down next to her on the swing, rocking the chair back. The two of them sipped their wine in silence for a while as Caitlin gathered what she wanted to say.
“Are things at home still bothering you?” Alissa asked.
“Yeah. I just got overwhelmed thinking about it. It’s like my entire future is hazy.” Caitlin sniffed and dabbed at her eyes. “I need to go home but I’m scared to.”
“That’s a reasonable feeling.”
“I know. But I also know that Pearl needs me and I can’t avoid this forever. I have to go talk to James.” Caitlin pushed off again, starting up the motion of the swing again. “It’s just hard to accept that the path that I thought was going to bring me fulfillment has led me here—confused and unsure. I don’t know what’ll make it better or what’ll bring spark back to my marriage.”
Alissa took Caitlin’s hand and squeezed it. Alissa’s hands were warm and soft, the perfect comfort. “Maybe talking to James is just what you need to do to find answers.”
Caitlin could only nod and let out a shaky breath.
“And it’s normal to not know what you want or what will solve your problems. If everyone knew the answers, no one would struggle, and without those struggles no one would grow,” Alissa continued. “Think about it from James’s perspective too. He might be just as overwhelmed and lost as you. You both have been on this path together, side by side, and he might need to break out of his comfort zone too.”
Caitlin pushed them back on the swing again. She hadn’t thought about how James might be feeling—she just assumed he was fine because he acted like he was, going about his business. But what if he had been hiding it all, just like her?
