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“Did you hear me? I want to go tomyfarm.”
“No. I can’t protect you there.” He got out of the cab and said something to the man on the bike. He came around to my side and opened the door.
“So, I’m only here for my safety.” Nice. I felt like a fool. Knowing him, he probably figured out I’d been assaulted and was just being a good friend. “Perfect. I’m used to guards watching my every move. At least I know.”Shut up, Shelby!
He took off his dirty ball cap and scratched his head. “You’re here because I need you to be.”
“Why?”
He unbuckled my seatbelt and scooped me out like I was as light as a day-old chick and carried me up the steps of the porch.
“I don’t want to put you out, and I know how to walk. It was my hand that was injured if you forgot. Not my feet.”
“Stop, Shelby,” he hissed as he opened the door with one hand, then kicked it closed. Perfect. He was frustrated. “I know what you’re doing.”
“No, you don’t. Please put me down.”
“Do you need anything? Food? Something to drink?” His arms turned to steel, holding me in the middle of his modest cabin. We created so many wonderful memories here, and some heartbreaking ones. It was bittersweet to be back after we’d talked about giving us another chance. It shouldn’t have happened because I needed to be rescued from a monster.
Cade still loved me. And I never stopped loving him. I wanted to make up for all my mistakes. But would he want me after he knew the truth?
“I’m fine.”
He snorted and went to the sofa and sat with me on his lap. “I’m fine, means you’re not okay.”
“What are you doing?” I tilted my head, trying to read his mind.
“We gotta talk, Honeybee. I’m sure it won’t be pleasant, but I need to know everything that happened with Jake.”
I shuddered hearing my ex’s name roll off my first ex’s tongue. My lip quivered as his intense but loving gaze bore into mine.
Jake had apologized after he’d finished. He’d told me over and over that he lost control, as I cried and cleaned up. It was like he wanted to convince me he hadn’t raped me, that it hadn’t really happened.
My breathing became labored the more I recalled this morning. I didn’t have the energy to hold back… I had to release my agony into the atmosphere. My hand went to my chest and gasped for air.
“I, I, I can’t breathe.” Of all the times, I had to hyperventilate now. It’d been years since I’d had an episode. But this one had taken me by surprise.
“Oh, shit!” Cade put me on the sofa and ran into the kitchen. Gasp after gasp, I watched him, feeling as if my lungs were shrinking to the size of jelly beans. He pulled out a paper bag from a drawer and it was against my mouth seconds later. “Breathe, baby. Breathe into the bag.”
With a trembling hand, I covered his as he held the bag to my mouth. Tears flowed down my face with each slow exhale.
“That’s it. Slow and easy.” He pressed his lips against my head. “Christ, it still freaks me out when you hyperventilate.”
“Sorry,” I whispered into the bag.
“Don’t apologize. You’re always so damn strong and try to hide your emotions. You don’t have to be a tough girl all thefucking time, Shelby. I know that fucker hurt you. All I want to know is what he did.”
“But why?”
“Because Martina thinks you tried to end your life with the utility knife.” He cradled my cheek. “Did you try to kill yourself?”
Jesus, hearing his question and seeing the pain in his eyes, made my heart seize. For Cade, to understand my mindset, I needed to tell him everything.
I inhaled, exhaled, inhaled.
Each breath was more controlled than the last.
I finally felt safe.
