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I narrow my eyes at him. “Get in this bed now.”
He does so quickly, tucking himself into the bed beside me. Lying there stiffly, he barely even breathes. I scoot over to wrap myself around him. Nox, Zane, and Sloane have all turned me into a person who likes to cuddle. “Relax,” I tell him as I rest my head on his shoulder.
His arm wraps around me and his breathing evens out. Slowly, he raises his hand to run his fingers through my hair. A soft sigh leaves me as I relax into him. “Can I ask you something?” he says suddenly.
“Always. I might not answer though.” I tuck my hands between us.
He breathes in deeply before saying anything. “That message Zane sent…”
“What about it?” I ask, stiffening. He probably thinks I’m a jealous psycho freak now.
“Why do you want to kill all of our past partners?” he asks softly.
“Umm, because I’m a jealous psycho? I figured it would be too hard to cover up if I just cut off their hands, so death seemed like it would be easier,” I tell him honestly.
I expected some kind of shock or disgust, but when he snorts and then lets out a peal of laughter, I’m the one who’s shocked. When he finally calms down, I’m glaring at him, but he doesn’t seem to notice. “I don’t really understand why he asked Cain and I about our past partners. Why would you be jealous of them?” he finally asks when he manages to stop laughing.
I huff out a breath and lower my brow, scrutinizing him. Is he really this unaware of how he makes me feel? Is this his way of trying to let me down gently? My face falls blank when I come to that conclusion. He must not feel the same way that I do. A pang runs through my chest, making it tighten and I realize that this is what heartache must feel like.
My bottom lip ends up between my teeth as I pull away from him. I was being selfish. Zane’s ideas have gone to my head, and I really started to think I could have all of them. Of course that isn’t true. Nox is a catch and he would want a girl who would be just his. Maybe that’s how Sloane feels. He’s a nice guy. Is he just not saying anything because he doesn’t want to hurt my feelings? I honestly don’t know if I could let him go. I don’t know if I could let any of them go.
“What’s wrong?” Nox asks, leaning up on his elbow to look down at me.
Shaking my head sadly, I look away. “It’s fine. I just didn’t realize that you didn’t feel the same way I do.”
His brows lower, and his head tilts to the side. “What do you mean?”
I roll my hand through the air. “The coffee dates, texting all the time, and staying the night. I just figured we were on the same page. I thought you likedme too.”
He stares at me for a long time, blinking at me. “You like me?”
My eyes widen slightly and I raise my brows. Obviously. He has to know this, right? It’s not like I’ve done anything to hide my feelings from him. “Yeah?” My brows raise as I shake my head slowly, trying to figure out why he looks like this is the first time he’s even considered the possibility.
With rapidly blinking eyes, he shakes his head. “What? Why?”
I roll my eyes. “Because you’re pretty fucking amazing. Why not?”
He pushes himself up into a seated position. His hand runs through his hair once more. “Well, I mean, it’s just that you have Zane and Sloane. I’m really not much compared to either of them.” I just stare at him with my brows furrowed, trying to figure out what nonsense he’s speaking right now. “What?” he demands when I don’t say anything.
I blink a few more times before I sit up too. “I’m trying to figure out if you’re joking or just an idiot.”
His lips purse. “Well, I’m not joking, but I don’t think I’m an idiot either.”
I softly pat him on the shoulder. “Idiots rarely ever know they’re idiots.” I’m rewarded with a frown and slightly narrowed eyes. “I honestly don’t know how to say this without just being blunt about it. Okay?”
He sits up, turning his body to face me full on. “Okay.”
I sigh and try to ignore the heating of my cheeks. “You’re hot. I’ve been attracted to you since the moment we met, but I knew you didn’t feel the same way. Then I started to get to know you better. You’re sweet, even though you try to hide it behind snark. I’ve only known you for a few months, but I already know you do whatever you can to take care of those you care about. I think you’re an amazing guy and anyone who can’t see that, including you, is an idiot. Plus, it’s really hot when you break people’s necks like it’s no harder than snapping a twig.”
He blinks and tilts his head back as he absorbs all of that. I don’t know what I’m expecting. Maybe for him to just let me down gently or for him to find some kind of excuse to leave. What I’mnot expecting is for him to grab me by the shoulders and kiss me like he’s wanted to do it the whole time we’ve known each other.
My eyes close and I lean into the kiss, letting him direct it. His arms wrap around me and one hand snakes up to tangle into my hair. Mine latch onto the collar of his T-shirt like I’m afraid he’s going to pull away and declare this a mistake. When his tongue runs along the seam of my lips, I open for him without conscious thought. The kiss is gentle and timid. Every touch and stroke is soft and teasing. Pulling back, he rests his forehead against mine as he works on catching his breath. “I do like you. I just never thought I would be good enough for you. You’re smart and attractive. I’ve never really felt like the kind of guy a girl like you would want to be with.”
I narrow my eyes, wondering who hurt him so badly that his self-confidence never recovered. I wish there was a way for me to show him how I see him. He’s a strong and caring man who has three other guys who rely on him to always be the calm in the storm. “Do you really not notice how girls look at you on campus? How they all flocked to request help from you last semester in class?” I shake my head, pulling away from him. “You’re a great guy, and everyone but you seems to be able to see that without any trouble.”
Nox purses his lips and looks down into his lap. “I appreciate you saying that. It’s nice to hear, but it’s just not something I feel, you know?” His head tilts to the side, and he finally looks back up at me.
I nod, even though I don’t know exactly what he means, but I do understand that knowing something and believing it are two different things. A yawn escapes me, even though I try to fight it back. Nox grins and tugs me back down into the bed. This time, he pulls me in close and there isn’t any awkwardness as he holds me. After such a serious conversation, I would think it would take me a while to fall asleep, but my eyes started drifting shut almost as soon as my head hit his shoulder.
