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I see his mouth moving, the alarms are beeping, and nurses run into the room. Maya is there, saying stuff to me, but all I see are his eyes. I'm waiting for him to hate me for losing our child, but all I see is his love. I then hear his voice through the haze of pain.
“Angel, relax, she's okay. She's a fighter just like you. Isabella is in the neonatal unit, you didn't lose her. I promise, please calm down.” I stop thrashing, realizing my hands are cradling my almost flat abdomen. I look at him and cry some more.
“I'm sorry.”
“For what, Angel? You did wonderful. Her lungs are almost fully developed.”
“Are you sure? I want to see her.”
“Just relax. Maya has pictures. When Dr. Parker says you can, we will go see her, okay, Angel?”
“Thank you, Joshua.” I look at him closely. “What happened to your face?”
“Ian had to knock me out. I wasn't going to leave your side. I promised you.”
“Honey, you're amazing,” I laugh.
The nurse starts asking questions and checking me over. I look at Maya, and she smiles at me.
“Hey, girly, she's so beautiful, she looks just like you. Don't be scared by all the equipment, it's there to help her. She weighed two point thirty-five kilograms at birth and is forty-three point two centimeters long. She lost a little weight since being born. The doctor says that's normal. She is about two point twenty-seven kilograms today. I had to have the nurse convert it for this American girl. She’s five pounds and seventeen inches long. The nurses were hoping you would wake today so later you could be the first to do Kangaroo Care with her, it’s a skin-to-skin technique for newborns. I also told them your plan is to breastfeed, so they're going to be sending in a lactation specialist. Here!” She holds her phone toward me, I take it as my hand starts to shake.
Joshua has a hold of my other hand. Maya raises the head of my bed for me. She's so tiny lying in a bed with one of the blankets I bought for her. She’s on her side with her little fist by her face. I want her, I feel the instant need to be with her.
“Joshua, I need to see her and touch her,” I plead.
“I know, Angel. I can't wait to actually hold her, all we can do is touch her through her incubator. She knows my voice already.”
“It's because you were always talking to my stomach, she knows her daddy.”
“Excuse me, can I come in?” I look up to see Dr. Parker, she has tears in her eyes.
“Yes, is something wrong? Is Isabella okay?” I'm starting to feel the panic again.
“No, Isabella is wonderful, you all look so happy. This is what some people wish they could have.” That sounds odd to me.
“I'm lucky to have the people I do. They have all made me stronger. I can't ever go back to that other woman again.”
“Well, I'm here to do an exam. I will need the room cleared, please.”
“I'm not leaving, you saw what had to happen the last time, Jennifer.”
“Jennifer?” I'm confused. Are they on a first name basis now?
“Yes, that's my first name, Ana. I've actually known all these guys for a very long time, we all were in Afghanistan together. I was a doctor at a woman's clinic there when we met. We’ll talk soon, and I will tell you everything I can, okay?”
“I'm going to switch out with Duncan, he's visiting Bella now. Her grandfather is going to be here soon and will take a turn, so I need to hurry if I want my turn. Love you, girl.” Maya takes my hand, and I can feel her tremble. “I'm so glad you came back to us. Ya know I would fight the reaper himself to keep you.” She hugs me, and I hold her as tight as I can, letting her feel me alive.
“Maya, don't worry, you can't get rid of me, remember?”
“Ya, girl, forever.” I see the tears in her eyes. Her fear of loss evident.
“Maya, forever, I mean it. You won't lose me too.”
“I gotta go, this mushy crap is not me. Love you, I'll get more pictures.” She walks out, and I see the doctor watching her.
“She lost her parents when she was a teenager.”
“That's hard, my mother died in childbirth. How are you feeling?”
