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“We didn’t even eat. Sophia told me we can’t talk anymore and left.”
I stare at her, heart racing. “She did what?”
“My dad ex-communicated me. Her words, not mine. Apparently, he doesn’t give a crap about anything but himself, and now I’m dead to the family.”
“No.” I stare at her, jaw clenched. “Unacceptable.”
She gives me a bitter laugh. “That’s what I said, but it’s too late.” Her face hardens as she stares at me. “You said it wouldn’t come to this.”
“It shouldn’t have. And it won’t. I’ll fix it.”
“How are you going to fix this? My dad said jump and Sophia eagerly dove off a freaking cliff. She basically said she’s jealous that I kept getting these insane arranged marriages, like how sick is that? I don’t even know her anymore.”
My hands are shaking. I reach out for her, but she flinches back. “I’ll talk to him. I’ll get Renzo on it if I have to, but I’ll do something.”
“Please don’t. Please. I can’t handle it getting any worse, okay? Maybe if we just give him time?—”
“It wasn’t supposed to be like this.” The words feel pathetic. They’re true, but I hate saying it out loud, like I’m admitting my own weakness.
“I know.” She turns away and picks up her wine. “Can you give me some space? I’m not mad at you. I’m just processing.”
That’s the last thing I want to do. I desperately need to pull her against my chest, hold her tight, stroke her hair, tell her it’ll be okay. But she’s edging back and I can tell I’m only making it worse. I stand and back away, hating myself with every step.
This was exactly what I didn’t want to happen. Ten years ago, I ghosted her, broke her heart, killed myself in the process, all to save her from this. Now I’m back in her life and doing all the selfish shitty things I told myself I should do back then, and it’s having the consequences I always feared.
I’m hurting her. I don’t want that.
And if I can’t find a way to fix it, I’m going to lose her, and there won’t be another chance.
Chapter 25
Allegra
Desperate to get my mind off this mess, and tired of living in a half-finished house, I head out to the local fancy grocery store and start perusing the shelves. Ever since I was young, I’ve loved going grocery shopping. I mean, it’s still a chore, but sometimes I can lose myself staring at all the different varieties of mustard, think about buying some fancy pasta, imagine all various dishes I could cook with pounds of organic beans. That sort of thing.
Except as soon as I start filling the cart, I remember that I used to do this with Sophia.
We’d sometimes go together and chat about nothing as we loaded up on snacks.
Now I miss her so much it hurts. I never thought I’d actually lose my cousin and my best friend, but she basically told me that our friendship is over, at least for as long as my dad says it has to be.
Which means we’re done forever in my mind.
I’d never ditch her just because my father told me to. Never, not in a million years, not even if the entire Famiglia depended on it, I just wouldn’t. That’s what friendship means to me. That’s real loyalty.
It flows both ways. I’m loyal to her, and I thought she was loyal to me, in a way that the Famiglia isn’t loyal to us. Our loyalty is one-way with the Rinaldo organization—it gives, but not without conditions.
My friendship comes without strings. Or at least I thought so.
Now I wonder. I stand in front of the rows of expensive cheese and cured meats and wonder which of these will be delicious enough to make me stop thinking about how fast my life had fallen apart.
At least there’s a bright spot. Last night, Gian kept his hands to himself. He was broody and grumpy, but that’s pretty normal for him. When the lights were out, he turned his back, and I fell asleep pretty soon after.
But it’s strange. Some part of me wanted him to cross that invisible barrier. While everything’s blowing up around me, Gian’s been the only person I can turn to.
Which is beyond fucked on so many levels.
I end up buying basically an entire brick of cheese before grabbing some more staples. I don’t know what Gian likes to eat but I figure I’ll stick to simple stuff. Apples, bananas, salad fixings, tomatoes, onions, potatoes, a bunch of fresh, healthy stuff. I’m already planning on what I’ll cook for him as I drive back to the house, and I’m surprised as I park near the curb and watch another giant truck pull away.
