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“What? Fake it better?”
“Well, no, but …”
“You shouldn’t have needed time to think about it,” I blurt out. “My proposal should have been a surprise, not a shock. And if you feel anything close to what I feel for you, you wouldn’t have thought twice about saying yes.”
She opens her mouth to defend herself again, but nothing comes out.
“I’ve seen the way you look at JD and Tenley. I’ve watched you watch couples fall in love in the movies, listened to you gush about the characters in all your favorite books. You claim you want true love and romance and a happily ever after, yet you keep pushing me away.”
“I know, but …” she starts again, but her voice breaks off.
“You say I’m confused. But it’s starting to feel like you’re the one who’s stringing me along. Maybe you’re not in love with me, just with the idea of love. And you’ve been using my past and this pregnancy as an excuse to avoid a real commitment. After all, you can’t be expected to bother with all that painful self-reflection and risk putting yourself out there when you’ve got to protect yourself and your babies from a heartless man like me, right?”
“You’re not heartless, Blake,” she chokes out, her chest heaving. “And I do love you.”
Shit. I’ve really done it now. I’ll never get her to stop crying.
I sigh and pull her in for a hug. “Come here. I’m sorry. That came out harsher than I intended,” I mumble as I tighten my arms around her.
She relaxes in my embrace for a while, waiting for her breathing to settle before she speaks again. “So, you don’t hate me?”
I pull away and lock eyes with her, and my chest tightens. “I could never hate you, Lo. But I’m not sure whether I want to shake you or kiss you at any given time. I suspect it’s always a good bit of both.”
She chuckles quietly. “I get it.”
“I just don’t know what to do with you,” I say softly. “I never have.”
And I still can’t help the way I want her.
CHAPTER 39
Loren
Blake swallows hardand curses under his breath before he cups my face and pulls me in to crush his lips against mine, kissing me so hard that he knocks the wind out of me. One of his hands slips behind my head and tangles in my hair as the other travels down to rest beneath my butt, nudging until I lift my legs and wrap them around his hips. He walks us over to the wall and rests my back against it as he continues exploring my mouth hungrily, and I could kick myself for questioning whether I want to do this with him for the rest of my life. He pushes himself into me roughly, and I moan into his mouth as I tighten my grip on him, fisting my hand in his hair and making him growl.
His hair—that’s it, right? It’s his kryptonite.
I run my fingers over his scalp again, and this time he breaks away and whimpers. “Shit,” he says breathlessly. “I—we can’t.”
“I know,” I reply, my lips finding his jawline. He grinds his hips against me again, and my eyes nearly roll back at the mere thought of what it’d feel like to give in to our need right now. “I just want … more,” I murmur against his skin. I don’t know when I became this forward, but I’m pretty sure the hormones are speaking for me now.
I bring my hand down between us, and his lips part with a gasp. His jaw is slack, and his eyelids look heavy as he stares down at me reverently. “Please?—”
I interrupt him with another kiss. “Blake,” I speak into his mouth again, using my teeth to tug on his bottom lip. “Let me down.”
He moans in response, following my orders and backing away to let me slide down the wall to my feet. I sigh when I wrap my hand around him again, and he slams his palm against the wall over my head, clenching his teeth as he spits out another curse.
I use my free hand to fumble with his belt, but he reaches down and stills me. “Don’t.”
“Okay,” I say, pulling my hand away reluctantly and relishing in the way he whines. Then I bite my lip as I move to unbutton his shirt.
But Blake stops me and shakes his head again. “No, Loren.”
“No, what?” I ask, confused.
He clears his throat and pushes off from the wall before he buttons his shirt again, and my expression falls. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have let us go this far.”
“But I just need a little more of you this time,” I protest, though I’m feeling the sting of his rejection.
