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“That may work for you, but it’s not for me. I’ve already taken a good look around, and besides you, Shane, Maggie, and the kids, I’m not sure what’s real, and it scares me.”
Last year, Shane married his wife, Maggie, and gained an entire family. I’ve watched him fall in love and start a new kind of life. One that, if I’m honest, I’m completely jealous of. What he has is beautiful, and I can’t help but want that someday, but I’d never get there with how I was living.
I let a breath out, remembering what it was like to sit on the couch, resting and healing, wondering how I’d let myself get lost. It’d been a long time since I remembered being scared, not since I was a teenager, maybe before that. Once I’d left the system and the horrors I’d faced, I promised myself I’d never let myself feel that way again.
“You and I know what it’s like to have absolutely nothing.” I remind him. “Now, I have everything and sometimes recently…I’ve felt like I’m there again, just in a big house, with a ridiculously expensive truck, the best job… I have it all, and yet, I’m completely alone.”
I’m met with silence, and I wonder if he’s listening. “We’ve spent so much time alone, worse than alone. We didn’t have a choice. We do now. I don’t want to wake up one day and realize I’ve let the best things pass me by while I got caught up in being surrounded by people and things. Reality is these people, and these things are only surface deep. When my body gives out, or the rookie outshines me, it’ll all fade and then disappear. None of it is real.”
I hear Mark inhale and let it out. I know he’s finally letting what I’m saying register.
“You’re not alone, bro. I do understand feeling that way. I don’t like it much either.”
“That’s just it. Now that I see it, I can’t stand it. It’s eating at me, and I’m tired of it. I don’t want to feel that way anymore. I’mdone wasting my time on things that don’t matter, and I’m going to find what does. When we turned eighteen, we didn’t take a single thing for granted. I’m getting back there.”
I want to get back to the boy that I was. The one who sat praying that I’d make it, and if I did, I’d build a life that I was proud of and filled with happiness and joy. I’ve been happy, but somewhere along the way, I’ve lost it and replaced it with contentment, only moving from one game or event to the next.
“I’m proud of you. You always were the smart one.” Mark’s uncharacteristic sentimental tone hits me in the chest. “I really hope you find what you’re looking for. Have a good time tonight.”
“Thanks.” I press the end call button and grab my keys.
In the garage, I climb into my truck, ready to find out what this feels like and disappointed in myself that it’s taken me this long. It’s a place to start, and I want to leave the benefit tonight feeling like I’ve actually made a difference somehow. Maybe if I’m lucky, it will lead to something more.
Chapter 10
ANDIE
My reflection stares back at me in the horribly lit bathroom. Am I hiding? Yes, I am. If I’m going to make it through this night, I need a minute before I face my mother’s wrath. She’ll be toting a list a mile long of all the things she finds fault with.
At the very top will be what I have planned for tonight. Next will be my dress since I’m not wearing the one she sent me. She’ll have to add the ‘hell no’ I’m going to give her when she talks about me playing nice with that scumsucker Brice. If I’m going to suffer through her barrage of complaints, I’m damn well going to make sure it’s in a ballroom filled with her people, not tucked back into some corner.
I grab my phone to see if Nora responded to my text, checking in on Ax. Once I leave the bathroom, I won’t be able to check my phone for a bit. Seeing her thumbs up, I inhale another deep breath, hoping there’s courage in the air.
In through my nose, out through my mouth.
I smooth my hand down the front of my black satin high-low dress. The sleeveless, fitted bodice hugs my torso and flares out with layers of tulle, which are shorter in the front and longer in the back. At the hem are two solid stripes of satin of different widths, giving it just an extra hint of rocker chic. It’s the best Icould find without going overboard. What I know is I love it, but it will trigger the start of my mother’s complaints.
Oh well. We all can’t be people pleasers.
I lean forward, checking my makeup for smudges. My light smokey eye and pink-tinted glossy lips are good enough. I don’t usually wear much makeup, so a little sparkle and shine go a long way.
I grab my purse off the worn chair, hearing the click of my silver ankle wrap heels against the tile as I exit. Just the shoes I need if I’m going to remain standing tall despite the forceful hot air that’s about to blow in.
I step out into the hallway that leads into the ballroom and find people are arriving. I know my parents are here somewhere. I need to get myself geared up to sing, so I risk running into them trying to get a hot tea from the bar. Thankfully, I make it back out to the safety of the atrium to wait for Jonesy and the girls.
I balance my tea while pulling my phone out for one last quick check. Nothing. When I glance toward the doors, hoping to see Jonesy, I squint, seeing a familiar broad, muscular figure pushing through the door. It’s that same pretty boy face I see plastered everywhere now that I know who it belongs to.
He glances around like he’s unsure where to go, and then his gaze snags on me. His forward motion slows, and I see the instant those almost translucent blue eyes find recognition.
Well, juussssstttt fan-freaking-tastic. If this isn’t the icing on the big pretentious cake.
He nears with the slightest hint of a smirk creeping across that quiet mouth, and I want to wipe it off his way-too-handsome-for-his-arrogant-self-face. His big, nicely dressed body stops in front of me.
“What in the world are you doing here?” I ask, seriously wanting to know.
“Hi. It’s nice seeing you again.” His lips turn up just a little more into something resembling amusement like there’s some universe where we can stand each other. “I was just about to ask you the same thing. Did you win another competition, or are you here for other purposes this time?”
I’m pretty sure I glare, readying my response, when I hear my name called from behind me. It’s that tone that instantly makes steam shoot out of my ears, and part of me wonders if my eardrums have suffered trauma from years of enduring it.
