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Taking the initiative, he took my hand. Threading our fingers together, he glanced down at the connection like I did. I’d been detached from everything for so long, it felt strange to suddenly be grounded.
Was he marveling at the same thing, or just marveling at the differences between us? Had he thought of me during those long months I’d been with Martin? Was he regretting the time we’d lost?
Doubtful.
I raised my gaze.
Barry looked good, healthy and normal. His life had gone on while mine had declined. Different, we were too different now. Time having separated us, he appeared older than I remembered.
But with our fingers interwoven, I wanted to forget everything that had happened. I wanted everything to be right instead of wrong.
“I missed you, beautiful,” he said softly, and a sudden brightness shimmered like dew in his earth-brown eyes.
“I missed you too.”
Pressure built inside me. I desperately wanted the power to rewind time.
If not for what had happened, I would throw myself into his arms, let him comfort me again like he used to, but I couldn’t rewrite history. I had no power. I was a stranger, though Barry had once known me better than I knew myself.
“Why are you here?” I asked softly, swallowing to moisten my suddenly dry throat. “Did someone tell you something?”
Had Grace called him? Had she told him what Martin had done? I didn’t want Barry to know how low I’d sunk.
“Miranda mentioned you left Martin.” Barry’s gaze was active and searching as it drifted over my face. “I saw her at Andy’s funeral. You weren’t there. Why weren’t you there?”
“I couldn’t go.” I dropped my gaze. Ashamed that I had no control over my life, I didn’t want him to know my secrets anymore.
“Martin was there,” he told me. “The asshole looked like shit. But he was there.”
“He went to support his sister.”
I registered Barry’s accusation and disappointment. It hurt. Barry didn’t know Martin being at Andy’s funeral was the reason I couldn’t attend. It broke my heart that our friend had died, so young and so senselessly of a heroin overdose, but I supposed it was inevitable. Andy had been on a downslide for a while.
I couldn’t go anywhere Martin was, and I definitely couldn’t let Martin know how much Barry and Rachel meant to me. If I did, Martin would use them, hurt them to get to me. His father had power, but the agreement had only just been signed. It remained to be seen if that power would have any sway over Martin.
“Why haven’t you called me?” Barry released my hand and lifted my chin. “It’s been months, ages since I’ve seen you or touched you.”
As he tucked a wayward strand of my hair behind my ear, his fingertips grazed the shell of it.
Once upon a time, I would have shivered at that slight touch. I might have recalled the pleasure of our kiss. If not for Martin, I might have been free to explore the possibility of something between Barry and me. But not anymore.
“It wasn’t my choice,” I said bitterly. “I couldn’t see you. He wouldn’t let me.”
“Martin?”
“Yes.” I nodded.
Barry’s eyes narrowed as he studied me. “No one will say, though I’ve asked several times. Did he do something bad to you?” His voice lowered. “Did he hurt you?”
I nodded.
“Oh, Addy. Fuck.” His expression dark, Barry took a big step back.
Fresh pain sliced through me as he turned away from me. Shame burned my cheeks. His shoulders were a wall of tension. Helplessly, I watched his hands open and close.
He’s angry at Martin, not me.
But telling myself that didn’t help anything. The monster we both wanted to pummel was untouchable.
