AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“I’m sorry,” I said softly. “I know I messed up.”
“I wish you would have told me.” He inclined his head slightly, but he couldn’t or wouldn’t look at me. “If I’d known, I would have done something.”
“You couldn’t have done anything.” I dropped my chin to my chest. I couldn’t hold the weight of my shame without him.
“I certainly would have tried harder to reach you,” he said grimly.
“You’re only a sixteen-year-old boy.”
“Seventeen,” he said, correcting me. “I’m not a boy, Addy. It pisses me off when you say that.”
“Right. I’m sorry.” I’d missed his birthday, and I only made him angry now.
A tear spilled, tumbling over my lower lid and sliding down my cheek. Suddenly, Barry was back. He took me in his arms, and I melted. The warmth of him was almost too much after having been cold for so long.
“I’m sorry I’m a failure,” I murmured into his chest. “Sorry I’m not the girl you knew anymore.”
“You are not a failure.” Tunneling his fingers in my hair, he lifted my head. His gaze drifted over my features, and fresh tears filled my eyes. “You’re you. My best friend.”
Cradling my head gently, he swept his thumbs across my cheeks.
“Your skin is as creamy and soft as ever. Your eyes are beautiful and expressive. Too apologetic now, but you’re you. You’re still there. I see you.”
Emotion flooded my chest, making it difficult to breathe. Though I didn’t want a comparison to surface, it did.
Martin had at one time touched me gently like Barry.
In my mind, I knew they were different. Barry was my best friend. His skin was rough, not smooth. Barry didn’t force me to stand still, to bow to him.
But I chose to remain where I was. I wanted to stay forever with Barry, looking at me like he was. But though he said he saw me, I couldn’t. I couldn’t be who I once was. Not with only one of us believing.
“Maybe you see her,” I said. “But I don’t. Not anymore. I can’t be the girl you knew anymore.” That girl was naive, foolish, a victim. I was ashamed to acknowledge her.
“You are different,” he said softly, and I felt his reluctance to make the admission. The frame of his hands tightened as if to hold on to the girl he’d once known.
“I am,” I whispered, knowing we both mourned the loss of her.
Humiliation cloaked me. Shame cowed me. It saddened me to be this way, to have him see me like this.
“I hate him.” Barry spat out the words.
I closed my eyes, but I couldn’t hide from the ugly truth. “I hate him too.”
My voice trembled, and another tear spilled. But hate was a futile emotion. I’d harbored it for months, and it hadn’t changed a thing. It was love that finally made the difference. Love had motivated me to act.
“You should go to counseling,” he said.
“That’s what Grace told you to say.”
“Mrs. Skellin, you mean.”
“Yes.” I nodded.
“We spoke briefly before you arrived. It’s weird how they’ve taken you in.” He tilted his head. “I would think they would take their son’s side.”
I didn’t want him to follow that line of thought further. He would find out how incredibly weak I was, discover what I’d given up for Martin’s parents to support me.
“You should go.” I pried his fingers from my face and tried to withdraw my hands from his, but he wouldn’t let me go.
