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I didn’t always take my life so seriously. But sinceticking on over into my third decade, I’ve realized I want more control. Control of myself, my life. And when I make my mind up, I’m not about half measures.
“Oh, and what’s that?”
I nip along her jaw. “How many times can you come before I fuck you?”
Aiden’s stomping footsteps announce him before he appears in the living room wearing a striped shirt over tan shorts. The urge to rag on him is strong, but he’s been pretty great about my girlfriend being his sister, so he’s earned a couple of free passes.
For now.
“Hey, I didn’t get charged at the door. Is the conservatory free on Sundays?”
I give him the finger.
“What’s that?” he asks, sidling up beside me.
“A pothos,” I answer, especially proud of how he’s coming along now that he’s getting enough light. It was a rocky few weeks before the yellowing in his leaves retreated. His buddies are happier here too, and I introduce them to Aiden. “Athos, Aramis, and of course?—”
“D’Artagnan,” Aiden finishes for me. “The whole squad is here.” I have to shove my hands in my pockets as he manhandles the leaves. He’s being gentle and, as Bee reminds me, I need to be able to step back.
Which is rich considering she spent half of last night pacing a groove in the floorboards after finally submitting her manuscript. Even after I tackled her to the floor andsucked on her clit for two orgasms, she was still thinking coherently enough to worry about it.
The third and fourth fixed that problem.
“Things are going well, then?” he asks. The question is weighted with ten years of caring for each other.
“There’s only one thorn in my side now, and that’s work.”
“How is your young boss-trepreneur? Still showing off for the department head?”
“When isn’t he?” If anything, he’s gotten worse. “But I won’t have to deal with him forever. I’m going to quit.”
“That’s great news. What are you thinking of doing?”
“Actually, that’s what I want to talk to you about. I’ve got an idea.”
Aiden throws himself onto the couch. “It’s usually me saying that.”
I nod and lay out the details. It helps that he’s been holding out hope on our original plan and quickly jumps in with his own great suggestions, reminding me of exactly why I appreciate him. “With the check Jon gave me, we can purchase a small inventory. I’ve paid off the last of my student loans. There’s not much left, but between the two of us, we have a good shot. Three, if Rochelle is interested.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to pay off some of the mortgage with it? We could apply for a business loan?—”
I shake my head. “No, that money is the past, and this is the future. But I want you with me on this.”
Aiden claps me on the shoulder. “Are you kidding? Of course I’m with you. I’ve been waiting years for this.”
Life is good.
I could use a million more descriptive words, but when it comes right down to it, it’s simple. There might be days where I’m tired of tripping over Bee’s shoes in the hallway or discovering a wayward mug abandoned in the bathroom. The gutters need replacing, there’s a stain I don’t want to identify in the left corner of the room, and something rattles like a snake every time we turn the heat on, but it’s home. It’s more than mortar and grout.
Bee’s curled up beside me, but I can tell her attention is elsewhere. Every other exhale is weighted, causing her to burrow a little closer into me.
When the storm inside me whips and rages, she’s the sun breaking through, reminding me to ride the waves. It’s helped me save myself from the pull of past thoughts.
The heart-to-heart Mom and I had was long overdue. It’s been brutal to revisit the hurt. My damn heart nearly broke when she said that during the worst of it, when she lay awake all night wondering how badly she’d failed me, just hearing my laugh was enough to get her through another day. Maybe she did something right if I can still be happy.
She cried when I told her I spent every day thinking the same about her.
I won’t thank her for pushing me, and we both agree that we need to keep talking about this. There’s no easy fix, no quick fix manifestation that will get us through this. Only time. Only talking. But for the first time, I don’t feelchained to what has come before. I’m looking forward, and I’m happy.
